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I don't think I'm a guy but I do feel connected to manhood in a way .. maybe demiboy. I like the thought of being perceive as a guy a little . It makes me excited and I like that . I like the thought of having a guy body and I don't have any body dysphoria . I like my boobs and lower half but I wouldn't mind if it changes either. I want to try HRT but I have a few problems and concerns. I don't have a safe space is one honestly and I don't want to get kicked out of my home. and if I change I would be sad if I cant interact with my family anymore. I would miss my siblings and I wouldn't be able to help my mummy and I don't want my mom to hate me.

No. 2 my voice I don't want my voice to go deep. I scared I might sound like my daddy. Grew up witnessing him abuse my mom and still to this day sometimes physically and emotionally abusing her. It scary and I hate that I already look like him I don't want to sound like him too. My mom says that I sound like him when I'm frustrated and it makes me sad. I'm afraid I might regret taking T but I her you can train your voice . Can you train your voice to be feminine while on T or I'm I expecting to much. Also I'm having a hard time eating and I'm afraid I'm too underweight will that have an effect on my body while taking T?

sorry if its to much to ask

Welcome to the boards, hunnypocket. I'm really sorry that you grew up experiencing and witnessing abuse between your parents. I do want to remind you that no matter what genetic traits you do or may share with your father, that doesn't make you like him as far as his being abusive goes. Perpetrating abuse is a choice, not a genetic legacy. <3

I certainly think that, other reservations about hormone therapy (or HT -- HRT is actually an outdated abbreviation for hormone therapy that was expressly for menopause) aside, if using it puts you at risk of being without a place to live, and you don't feel like you'd be able to find another safe place on your own, I would suggest waiting until that changes. If you want, though, we can talk about your concerns your mother would hate you because of hormone therapy, since that obviously has to be a pretty big fear to carry around.

How much anything changes when using T depends a lot on how much T you're using. A low dose of T, for instance, may not create vocal changes, or, if there are changes, subtle changes. Your voice may get a bit lower, for example, but nowhere near the levels that your biological Dad has. For more info on low-dose testosterone, we have a great piece on that here: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/identit ... stosterone. You might also find this piece handy, too: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/identit ... ne-therapy

On the other hand, the dosage of T often given for gender-affirmation can change your voice, and vocal training will only be able to do so much because when those changes happen, they are physiological: thickening vocal cords and changes to your larynx. If you're going to take an amount of T typically prescribed for gender-affirmation, I'd say you'll need to be okay with some vocal changes. If you're not, then that level of T may not mesh with what you actually want and don't want.

Ultimately, who you want to talk to about these kinds of concerns, including the concerns about taking T with your weight, is a healthcare provider who works in trans health or endocrinology. Changes with HT are really individual, on top of being based on the dosage you're using, so you really need to talk with someone who can take your whole health history, then talk with you about what to expect with the dosage of T you're thinking about.

hi thank you for helping me

I'll see if I can wait until I move out but that will take a while. For my mom the reason that I'm scared she'll hate me is she the only person that I like and I don't want to lose a relationship with her. It's hard enough as it is I don't want to do something to embarrass her and she'll probably think I'm weird if I explain how I feel. I want to help her but I don't know how and if i take T I'm wondering if she'll still love me the same way or even talk to me. my dad honestly he'll overreact but I don't want my mom getting hurt in the process when defending me if he gets violent. I think reading the article was helpful but I'm not sure where to find an healthcare provider for HT. I'll definitely have to do more research.

I'm wondering what to do during this time while waiting until i have enough money to move tho. I know people wouldn't use he/him pronouns for me which fine I'm already used to she/her pronouns but I'm wondering how my friends react if i do change and if they would be friends with me anymore. I'm kinda leaning so much about transitioning but I want to know more about STP. How do you get use to using one? Do they come in different skintones as well ? and packers i want to try packing i heard about the sock thing but is there anything else to try

Of course. <3

I didn't realize that your Dad was still living in the house with you. Given that he is, and given his history of violence, I personally would advise against doing anything that might activate him until and unless you, your Mom, and anyone else he does or may harm can get out of the house and to a safer place. If you'd like us to try and look into resources for helping families who are victims of domestic violence, I'd be happy to do that for you, just let us know. At a quick glance, this hotline looks like it might be good for that *and* potentially good to find out where you can seek out gender-affirming care in your area: https://findahelpline.com/organizations ... dad-tobago

I wouldn't assume that your mother will hate you if and when you start hormone therapy or transition in any other way just because she doesn't understand. People can not understand someone, or some part of that person's life or choices, but still love and accept them. Can you say more about why you think she might react as poorly as not speaking to you or kicking you out?

You don't have to change your body or how you look to change your pronouns. After all, people of a given gender come in all shapes and sizes, and a wide array of embodiments. No one needs to physically transition to use -- and ask others to use -- the pronouns they want to. If that feels confusing, you might think about someone like me, who is nonbinary: there's no such thing as a "nonbinary body" other than whatever body a nonbinary person comes in. The same is true for men and women. So, if you want to ask anyone to use he/him pronouns for you, you get to do that. It does sound like for you it would be safest, though, to stick to doing that with friends first. You say you are worried about losing friends if you do that. Can you say more about that? Are any of your friends LGBTQ? Or do you have any cisgender friends who are good allies? Have you ever talked to any of your friends about gender-expansiveness before to know what they think?

This guide from Fenway Health about STP devices and packers gives a really good overview: https://fenwayhealth.org/wp-content/upl ... EP2025.pdf STP devices don't usually come in skin tones -- they usually come more in non-skin colors -- since they're different than packers and aren't something you wear. Packers, on the other hand, do come in a variety of skin tones. Packers and packing are included in our big series about being trans and transition, Trans Summer School: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/identit ... mer-school You can check out the whole guide here: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/identit ... mer-school