Scarleteen

Hi everyone,

I’ve known Avril for about 3 years, and had a crush on him for about 2 of those years. He’s one of my two best friends. About 3 months ago, I asked if I could flirt with him, and he said yes; he then clarified that he might also be interested in dating. (This was described in “my crush likes me back hehehe”, in which Avril is called ‘A’.)
We went on a rather awkward first date. It was awkward in part because afterwards, I realized that he was a lot more nervous than me (I’m perhaps oddly brave about romance), and that I was too forward about a few things. (Nothing unwanted happened or was close to happening, but I still messed up.) We haven’t talked about our feelings towards each other or the date since.

About a month ago, I met and immediately started crushing on Tex, an incredibly handsome, funny, and smart trans masc person. Because of Tex, I’ve realized that I’m not as attracted to Avril as I thought I was—I like the idea of kissing Avril or holding hands with him, but not as much as I like the idea of doing those things with Tex. I feel like dating Avril would be settling, and I don’t think that would fair to me or him.

I haven’t told Avril what I’ve realized yet, for a few reasons:
1. Even though he and I haven’t dated, I still feel like I’ve fallen for someone else/cheated on him by becoming attracted to (and flirting with) Tex.
2. I also feel guilty for initiating things with Avril and then being the one stopping them. The third reason is that I don’t know how much Avril wants to date me, and I’m worried that I’m going to break his heart. (I don’t think he’s particularly interested, but I don’t know for sure, and that worries me.)
3. Avril’s family is moving to the other side of the country, and Avril is very stressed about this. (Avril is staying here, not moving with them.) I don’t want to stress and upset him even more by telling him, but I know that I need to. This is the most significant reason.

I love him platonically, I want to cause as little hurt as possible, and I deeply want him and I to keep being friends. I feel awful about this. My reasons for not being particularly attracted to him are about what I find attractive, not about him as a person. He’s a wonderful guy.

Any advice on how to tell him would be appreciated.

Thank you.
- AQ

Hi AskingQueries! I hope it's okay to ask some questions, so we can work out how to best let Avril know about this.

When Avril said he's interested in dating, does he mean that one-time date that went (in your words) awkward, or changing how things go in your relationship and what you call that relationship? I wonder if this is something you've discussed together. The same goes to Tex. After the interaction you had with him a few weeks ago, are there any updates you find notable?

I get your hesitance on telling Avril due to the reasons you mentioned above, especially the last one. I do believe it could be a good idea to hold off from telling him until the move is done. During this time, you might want to try getting a greater impression of how he wants to have this relationship with you going forward. Do you think that would be doable?