Scarleteen

Soo I’ve been dating a guy for a couple months now, and I wanna have sex with him, I think im ready. The thing is that im afraid of doing it, im almost 22 and im still a virgin. We’ve been doing some other stuff and I really trust him so thats why I decided I wanna do it with him, plus he has experience and he knows I’ve never done it so I know he wouldn’t hurt me or anything…? Idk im just nervous about everything. I did ask advice to friends and my sister but it just feels weird cause all they say is “enjoy it and don’t overthink”… im a professional overthinker. I guess all im looking for in here is some real advice, like about hygiene, what to do, what not to do, does it hurts? I don’t want the pain. Am I going to bleed? cause I think thats one of my biggest fears cause it would be uncomfortable to me. Please be brutal honest about everything cause I need it, I don’t want the magazines, chat gpt or gemini, whatever shit they say. I had enough of it cause I feel like they make everything look cuter or prettier or nice, I want the reality of having something inside me for the first time. So I hope someone reads this and wants to help me cause all the things I’ve been reading here are so good like really helping me. Sorry for the bad writing, obviously English is not my first language. Xoxo

Hey danimsaur, welcome to the boards!

I’m making an assumption here that when you say sex, you mean penis-in-vagina/ intercourse . If I am wrong, please please let me know !!

We really can’t say what any type of sex will feel like for anyone. It seems like right now, you have some expectations already, maybe of the more worrisome kind- like that it will hurt! I’ll start with that:
Advocating for your needs and communicating with your partner are going to be HUGE. The idea that people bleed a lot during first time intercourse is usually tied to myths about the hymen- if you have had a menstrual flow for quite some years, it is likely that your hymen has worn away at this point in your life. Going slowly (like, however slowly you need), being aroused, and using a lubricant are all ways to reduce and prevent pain. It may be uncomfortable, because new sensations are just that- new! But if things feel PAINFUL, that is a sign to say “stop” and switch to something that does not hurt. Remember that you don’t only have one shot at this, and that learning what feels good with a partner is a process.

Here’s my general advice for you:
-Use the ready or not checklist: Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist. I really recommend reading it all the way through and giving the items some good thought.
-Have a reliable and accessible plan for birth control AND STI prevention. Think about where you would be able to access sexual healthcare if you were concerned you were pregnant or were exposed to an STI. Think about whether you know how to access condoms and use them properly. Our Birth Control Bingo has a lot more information: Birth Control Bingo
-Check in on how you feel your communication with him is. Do you feel like you will be able to communicate with him about what you would like to try, what is feeling good, what is not feeling good?
-Lube! Lube makes things slippier, which means less friction. Friction tends to be uncomfortable or painful. It tends to be pretty easy to find, inexpensive to purchase, and a huge tool in making things feel nicer.
-Know that things can and do get awkward, and that is not a bad thing! It might not feel effortlessly smooth and sexy, because you are trying something for the first time. Try to focus as little as you can on how things “look,” and instead on what feels good, what makes you feel most connected to your partner,

Let us know if you have other specific questions and we can do our best to answer them. You might not find this very “brutally honest,” because I don’t think that partnered sex is necessarily very scary so much as a little awkward and sometimes weird or funny and sometimes very awesome and pleasurable. Make sense?