My Sexuality

[anonymous4792]

For the past few days, I have been non-stop questioning my sexuality. To start, I am a 15 year old male. I have believed and still do that I am straight (or predominantly straight) as I have been attracted to girls my entire life an have had many crushes. I began looking at porn when I was 9, where I most likely was aroused by it due to the taboo factor. A year later I switched to looking at futa porn, with straight porn being viewed less and less by me. I have recently looked at trans and sometimes femboy porn, which has caused me to have constant doubts about my sexuality. In the past I've had many on and off periods of questioning. Through this whole time, I never was attracted to men, but I was able to have sexual thoughts about futa/trans girls, femboys, and sometimes even men (I'm sorry if that's offensive I just don't know the right terminology, I have nothing against trans people). I don't know if I have HOCD, but this questioning has gotten worse and worse, with me constantly checking if I'm gay physically and through porn. I've tried to imagine myself in gay situations but I genuinely don't have a reaction. It's gotten to the point where I haven't even felt attraction to any gender for short periods of time. I'm still going through puberty, so irl, I don't have a sexual attraction yet; however, I am attracted to the overall traits of a female. I've had a girlfriend in the past and gotten aroused around her, but I am worried in the future I won't be able to satisfy a partner. I want to be able to have a wife and kids in my future and grow up normally, but I am confronted with this problem. I have come to the conclusion that I am mostly straight either with a penis fetish or I am bi-curious. I feel currently that my obsessive thoughts have gone down; however, I still feel the need to look at porn multiple times a day. Besides questioning, I know my addiction is terrible and I worry I'll lose my attraction for women. I believe that porn was not good for me to consume especially at such a young age and could have affected my development. Part of it could be internalized homophobia, but I'm not sure. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[anonymous4792]

Also as a follow-up, I just had a large crush on a girl. It might have dwindled down or diminished when I didn't feel attraction for a short period of time. It might have came back; however, I am unsure if I still like her or if I am imagining it.