Scarleteen

My girlfriend and I are dating for quite a while, but it seems to me we are not moving forward much and the physical part of the relationship is becoming repetitive and since she's touchy, I can see it's starting to bother her. I want to talk about sex with her because of that, specificaly oral sex (me eating her out), but I don't know how to bring up the whole talk about sex thing, because saying "I want to talk about sex" would be too akward and it just dosen't sit right with me. How can I start this conversation with her??

Hi there, and welcome to the boards.

You know, something that always comes with being sexual with someone else is awkwardness. It's not only not something we can usually avoid, it also shouldn't be a big deal. Being sexual with someone else means being vulnerable, so awkwardness should be something we and our partners are okay with, even if it isn't our favorite way to feel.

Too, "I want to talk about sex," is actually the best way to start this kind of conversation, and I don't think that's usually awkward at all unless we're saying that to someone who doesn't want to be sexual with us or talk about sex with us (and if we're going to be sexual with each other, we need to be able to talk about it). But if that doesn't feel like a way you start conversations, what feels like a better way for you to bring it up?

I will say that at 14, it's not likely or common to be doing a whole lot sexually, even though what people do sexually at what ages is fairly diverse. A lot of people at or around that age just don't feel all that ready to both be very sexual with a partner or to manage everything we need to once we start having any kind of genital sex -- that's things like direct communication, active consenting, starting to get regular STI testing and doing what we need to to prevent STIs, or, for any sex that carries pregnancy risks, managing pregnancy prevention. It's okay in the event that you're not there yet.

Too, if what you're already doing feels boring or repetitive, chances are that doing more won't necessarily fix that: there is, after all, only so much human beings can do sexually, so if and when things feel repetitive, it's usually not about people not doing enough sexual activities so much as the way people are doing whatever they are doing when they're together, how people are or aren't really connecting, or what the relationship or connection is like between people sexually and otherwise.

Do *you* want to do more sexually and do you feel ready for whatever that is? Like I said, it's okay if you don't. If and when we only want to do things because a partner wants them, or we worry our partners are getting bored with us, that's usually not a good setup for sex that really feels right for everyone involved. <3

Thank you, I will try a diferent aproach to the repetitivnes, as I don't think I'm 100% ready to even have the talk with her.

It's good to know your own capacity! For sure, I'd say that if and when someone doesn't even feel ready to talk about doing a thing, they are usually not ready to do a thing, so it won't be right for them. It may be that soon you need to at least have a talk with her to let her know you don't feel ready for more than you are already doing, though. If you want some help with that, I'd be happy to help you out.

If not, is there anything else with this or otherwise we can help you with today?

Yea, I think I will leave the talk to happen in the future, I'm not ready yet. Anyways I think that's it for today and thank you for your support! I'll solve the repetitivnes with something else, as there is surely another solution to this. Bye

You're welcome. You know where to find us if you need any more help or support!