Scarleteen

I have a problem with masturbation addiction. Though i am no christian I am attending a christian grammar school and decided that after the holly mass wich is the start of the school year i will quit. I tried many times to do so but today was... different... today at school was hell. I am dealing with constant bullying and today wasnt a very good day. I dont want to get to the details about it but it always comes back. I tried to learn something about sexual health after dinner and touched my penis to adjust it as it was trapped in a painful/uncomgortable position and imediatly felt I was on edge. I tried stoping but an involintary muscle contraction came and i went over the edge though i tried kegel exercise to stop it. Now i feel like shit about it again. I just cant stop it and i dont know what to do. I tried so many times and failed. And this time it actually started working as I had no urges, still I managed to fail.

Hi there, Questionaire. I'm so sorry that you're dealing with bullying at school, and sorry that you're feeling like your relationship with masturbation is so fraught.

There actually isn't such a thing as masturbation addiction, even though I know that it and sex and porn "addiction" are all over social media and people use those phrases a lot. Addiction is a very specific framework that's meant to only address actual chemical addictions to external substances, not relationships with chemicals our bodies produce or behaviours. You can find out more about all of that here, if you like: The Facts on Porn and Sex "Addiction"

There are some frameworks for behaviours like sexual compulsion, where people don't want to be being sexual, but don't feel like they can stop themselves, or can't keep from doing sexual things that are harmful to them or others. It's hard for me to say if that's what you're dealign with here, though, so I'd like to ask you a few questions to figure out what's really going on and how we can best help.

Can you say more about why you feel that you should stop masturbating? What feels bad for you about masturbation?

Do you feel that masturbation is doing you harm? Can you say how? Is this also not just about masturbation, but about feelings of pleasure and sexual response, like erection or orgasm? If it is, and you are trying to stop those, can you tell me why those feel like things you shouldn't be experiencing and need to try and stop or interrupt?

When you talk about trying to quit and being unable to stop, can you explain more about how it feels for you when you don't feel able to keep yourself from something? Like, is it you not wanting to be sexual but it feels like your hands move to your body to be sexual even if you are actively trying to get them to do something else? Or is it more like that you can control your body -- per the things you actually can control anyway -- but you can't control your thoughts?

Lastly, what is it you can't stop: masturbation or having sexual responses, including involuntary things we can't actually control (or both)?