Scarleteen

im confident in the fact that im exclusively into girls ever since im 6, and ive had a girlfriend like last year, but really, i didn't feel deep romantic love towards her, it felt like just a very nice friendship that made me giddy, and really i just always sorta felt like im aromantic, but i feel kinda off about it because i do feel sexual attraction and idk i just feel insanely off about it i used to struggle with internalized misogyny for quite a while and i thought i got over it but now it feels like its back sniffles....so i just wanted to know, is it at least common for someone to be aromantic but not asexual?? or err is it just because of my age that i feel like that??

Hey colugo,

Welcome to the boards!

These are great questions. It can be so difficult growing up and trying to figure out who you are. Sometimes even when we think we've figured it out, new parts of ourselves start to shift and change. This is all completely natural. Sexuality has a long history of being scrutinized, something that can make people tend to feel like they need to justify it, as in, feeling like sexuality has to be consistent, the same across genders, and and both romantic and sexual. In reality, sexuality is a LOT more complex than that and, like you've stated, can be influenced by things like environment, internalized misogyny, personal growth and change, etc.

Whatever you feel right now is real and valid. It doesn't invalidate anything you've felt before, and it won't invalidate anything you feel in the future. You can absolutely identify with being "into girls," lesbianism, asexuality, queerness, or anything that feels right and comfortable to you, while also deciding for yourself what that means. Also, no one ever said you can't use multiple identities to describe how you feel. Labels were designed to help us communicate our feelings to others and have them be understood easily, but with that, comes a lot of pressure to conform to one person's idea of sexuality. Different identities mean different things to everyone and whatever is going to make you the happiest and feel most true is what you should aim for. For more info on complex sexuality, see: Straight, Gay And Everything In Between: On Sexual Fluidity

Feeling one way about romanticism and another way about sexuality is completely normal and quite common actually. Asexuality and aromanticism are spectrums, like many other identity labels. For more information on asexuality and aromanticism, please visit: Just The Basics, Ace: An Asexuality Primer \ and Should I Consider Myself Ace/Aro, Or Keep Holding Out For Attraction?

When you've given these articles a look, I'd love to know how you're feeling and if anything stuck with you or other questions you're thinking through