I cant goon like i used too

[tonytonymoni]

so recently i havent beena ble to masturebate like i used because my sisters been satying up more than usually and she CANNOT know that i masturbate and especially what i used to do it or ill get in big troblue with my parents and so ive just been pent up a lot more and sexually frustrated and its very hard to cope with this and figure out how i feel specifcally and i think its cause im autistic but still and sinc emy sister is staying up i have to and then i get tired though and fall asleeo and i cant do it in the mornign cause ive got school and then sometimes at random points in the day i get really horny but i cant do anything and its confusing because if im not able to masturbate like i used how come my hornies and want for it hasnt gone done especially since ive never even cummed before???!! oh and i havent been able to propelry go for weeks now

[char]

Hey tonytonymoni, welcome back! I'm sorry to hear that you're upset, especially considering how things are going in your family.

As we've already discussed this multiple times in the last six months, have you been able to find alternatives to give yourself pleasure, even if it's not sexual? How does life during and after school look like for you? I think figuring out alternative activities to having fun/gaining pleasure can be very helpful here, since it doesn't seem possible for you to comfortably and safely masturbate any time soon.

I understand how frustrating it is not being able to masturbate when you want to. At the same time, with your house situation in mind, you might need to reconsider the focus you've put on masturbation. Just because you can't masturbate now, it doesn't mean you won't be able to feel good for the rest of your life. There's a lot of ways to experience pleasure without masturbating too. Do you get what I mean?

[tonytonymoni]

I do get what you mean ive tried that quite a lot and it kind of works but then its like at random moments it comes back suddenly and then its very hard for me to not even think about because even before i used to masturbate and id be horney it was very confusing and itd have thoughts that i didnt want and id stay stuck on it so focusing on toher things hasnt worked so well and im really sorry for not saying that i have tried other activites i sometimes think i do things that i actually didnt but yeah it only works half way and its always hard to like let thoguhts pass through cause i dont it just doesnt work for me and i know not being able to do it right now doesnt mean i feel good for the rest of my life its just hard to manage in these moments.

[Heather]

Hey there.

It's okay for us to think about sex, including masturbation, without engaging in sex. I hear you: it can take some time to learn how to have those thoughts and then let them go to focus on other things, but learning to do that is part of growing up as a sexual person. So often in life we'll have thoughts of sex when we can't do anything with them, including when we're adults, living on our own, with the freedom to do things like masturbate at home. This won't be the only situation in which you feel sexual desire or interest when you can't engage in sex.

So, as much as it stinks you don't have basic privacy at home -- and it does, for more than this reason, too -- this really is something everyone needs to learn how to do, so you might try and think about it as a way to practice something you'll have to learn anyway, you know?

[tonytonymoni]

Well yes i already know that its just extremely hard to do this because ive ben trying for years and i still cant communicate how i truly feel to my parents are anyone and sometimes i dont even know i feel completely and then other times i know exactly how i feel but for some reason i cannot talk about my feelings at all and then i end up lying because i cant talk properly so I was hoping for any extra tips or help to let those thoguhts pass through and focus on other things.

[Heather]

I understand. I'm not sure though how talking to your parents or anyone else is connected to learning how to have feelings of sexual desire and to let them pass when or if you can't or don't want to do anything with those desires? It sounds like you might be asking about two different things here.

The last time you were here, Amber had asked you how you thought we could best help you with all of this, but you didn't answer us: viewtopic.php?p=85924#p85924

It does sound like the kind of help you're looking for -- help accessing and talking about your feelings, help learning how to let thoughts pass without getting stuck on them -- are things that are outside what we do here at Scarleteen as a sex and relationship-s education service, and are more in the realm of things a mental healthcare provider does. I'm going to assume, given what we know about your family, that access to mental healthcare isn't something you can have: is that right? If so, how about access to books, whether at the library or by buying them?

[tonytonymoni]

Sorry but with my parents i was just using that as an example of how its just hard for me to even know my own feelings and let alone talk about them and so sense i dont talk to anyoen then i keep all the thoguhts in my head and my response to the other one did not go through because i couldve swore i did respond but to that i like wanted mroe advice on the sexual response because i still do have opprotunites just not as often.

[Heather]

I'm having a hard time understanding you, but let's see if I can't take a guess at this.

First, I hear you talking more about issues accessing your own feelings. Like I said, this is a kind of help mostly outside our abilities and scope as a sex and relationships education service. Can you answer my questions about accessing therapy, books or both so I can help you find the kind of help that can help you with that?

I'm not sure what you mean by "advice on the sexual response." What part of sexual response -- here's what that phrase refers to -- are you asking about and looking for advice about?