im worried ..

[tinnytii]

so hi . im kind of new on here and i dont really know if this is real or if it helps but i hope it does . im 16 and im going to be having sex for my first time on monday and im kind of scared . i cant even finger myself because it hurts , how am i supposed to have sex ..

[Heather]

Hey there, we're real, I promise. We'll also do our best to help you out.

Sex can be a whole lot of things (more on that here: What's Sex?), but it sounds like you're talking about vaginal intercourse. If I have that right, going right to vaginal intercourse when you and the person you're thinking about doing that with haven't already done other things together, more basic things that allow for a more gradual learning curve, without such big risks and a without need for a good deal of knowledge about each other and your bodies and sexualities like intercourse demands? Oooof. Not usually a great choice.

So, you aren't supposed to have sex. No one is "supposed to" in that way, because any kind of sex is supposed to be a totally optional choice, and something we only choose when we not only want whatever kinds of sex we're talking about it, but when we feel ready for what that is. I hear you saying pretty clearly that you don't feel ready.

Can you fill me in on why you think you're supposed to have intercourse Monday? How did you get to that choice? Has it been about something you really want for yourself -- not just because the other person does, or you feel obligated in any way -- and about what feels right for you?