Boyfriend wants to me intimate but im scared

[emilzewinter]

My boyfriend and I have known each other for over 5 years and have been dating for 5 months. I have anxiety thinking that everything will get me pregnant such as oral and manual or thinking that somehow there is sperm on surfaces like couches that I will sit on and get pregnant. So I barely let my boyfriend touch me. The rare times where I do touch him or let him simply touch me, I constantly say "Are you sure its safe?" "don't do this" etc. I also want things my way. He likes physical intimacy and I can't. I wish I could stop being scared and be able to be intimate with him since I do like him and I am also on the pill. But I am so scared. This is really affecting our relationship.

[Heather]

Can I first ask if this is something you are working with your therapist about, and if so, what have they suggested for you with this?

[emilzewinter]

Yes. I have mentioned this to my therapist but I have a very busy schedule with work so I only meet with her every two weeks.

[emilzewinter]

She told me to write about how I was feeling and to keep a journal and that she would get into it in our next session.

[Heather]

Any way you can make a change to once a week, given how long you have dealt with these fears and how chronically intrusive to your thoughts and life they have been? You might ask i your therapist is open to working with you on the phone every other week: that might make weekly therapy more doable for you.

That aside, what did she suggest when you did talk to her about it?

Also, I hear you saying what he wants when it comes to sex (which isn't the same as intimacy): what do YOU want?