Aroused with a Sensitive Clitoris

[spottedowl]

Hi!

So I have a small problem. Recently I found some music that I really like, a big reason why is that the male singers are really good looking. I did not know I could ever feel this aroused and don't think I ever felt this attracted to anyone ever. Guess I'm a late bloomer.

So I'm really happy overall, but my clit and vagina get so sensitive while watching good looking celebs that its uncomfortable to leave it that way. Normally I'd just mastrubate to get rid of the sensation, but now I'm so aroused its different down there and I don't know where to touch to do that, (really wet and my labia seem puffy and wider apart). If I try to mastrubate like I normally do it hurts a little, so I don't.

If I leave it like it is, I end up feeling constantly "stiff" down there, really wet, and feel like I have to pee all the time, like every 20 min. It takes about 1 hr for the feeling to pass completely but its really inconvenient with school and work. I'd like to listen to music at school with friends without feeling wet. Any tips on how to mastrubate with such a sensitive clit or on ignoring the urge to pee/wetness there? I've felt this (arousal) before just never for this long and this strong.

[spottedowl]

Hi again, had another question. Typed it up and forgot to hit save draft...oops.

So I’m feeling kinda guilty about my newfound love for Bollywood music, K-Pop and crushing on all of the Indian boys and Asians in general at college for the past few months.

Is it ok to have a preference in relationships for one group over another? I just feel more attracted to Asian guys then I ever did to other groups. I totally have nothing against anyone, it just feels better relationship wise, the dating norms are the same. Though communication is still very important, I kinda feel like I have to explain less in general because of the similar culture.

I never felt more accepted or connected to my community as an Indian American and Asian more generally.

But I also feel like I’m playing into stereotypes set by my grandma and other older family members, that I should only date Asian men and nobody else. Grandma: “Haha I told all of you fellow family members, my (limited) view of her prospects succeeded! She likes Asian men!” Ugh no grandma.

At the same time some random college guy who is not Asian will accuse me of not dating him because he’s not Asian. Random guy: “She like Asian men! She’s biased towards them and won’t stop to date me, a perfectly decent non Asian guy! This proves her intolerance and close mindedness.” Ugh no random guy.

Made up scenarios, but the fear is real for me. How do I resolve these doubts and get back to enjoying myself in my community?

[Coral]

Hi!
This sounds like a frustrating situation, because it’s hard to control when or what causes us to be aroused. When you say that this type of arousal is different than before, what exactly do you mean? I only ask because masturbation shouldn’t hurt, so figuring out what’s different could be helpful. Either way though, only you can figure out what feels good, but it sounds like trying out something new might be the way to go! If your clitoris is too sensitive, there are plenty of other areas you could try. This article lists a few!:
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodi ... masturbate

The feeling you’re describing as “stiff” is totally normal. Maybe in situations like that it could be helpful to distract your mind and think about something completely different. In terms of wetness, you can always go to the bathroom and use some toilet paper to help clean up your underwear a bit. Hope this helps! For your second post, someone else will come in a bit later to give you the best response they can!

[Heather]

Hey, spottedowl.

I wonder if you might be able to say a little more about why you think you're feeling guilty for what sounds to me like a) feeling connected to and at home in your own cultural and racial community as well as b) attractions you don't actually have control over.

I don't hear you saying that you are limiting who you date based on anyone else's feelings or criteria but your own. I also don't see any harm -- quite the contrary! -- in connecting to your own culture and community and people within it, and feelings strong, positive feelings around both.

[spottedowl]

Hello again!
In regards to how the arousal feels different, I think the issue is that my mom, aunt and 2 other family members (one after the other) had cancer 2 years ago up until a few months ago, and then there was the COVID pandemic the next year. So between the stress of those two major events, I had serious difficulty feeling sexual or any feeling really, but stressed out. I'm so grateful for the support of family and friends but all of the relatives whom I normally only see on holidays coming in and out of my house made it hard to get private time for anything, like even reading a book.

The good news is that now the family is more or less back to normal-my mom finished all her treatments-and we are all less stressed out. The weird low grade combo of grief/anxiety/depression is gone from the house. My appetite is back to normal, I'm sleeping normally, more interested in my pre med school/work/career. All good things. Also, boys are HOT again, which is not something I thought would change when my mom got cancer, but not complaining about it being back. But when my mom had cancer, I would mastrubate just for stress relief or to go to sleep, had it down to 3 min routine and I would like it, but I wasn't really aroused.

Now that boys are HOT again? Well...
-age and hormones being what they are, the feelings are stronger now at almost 23 than they were at 18/19. Not that much stronger, but stronger. But I was at level 2/10 for the last two years, and now its level 8/10. "Normal" is 5 to 6/10 usually.
-like I will get all horny for no discernable reason whatsoever? Or something not sexual at all? Which I know is normal, I ignore it, it goes away, fine. But when I actually try to mastrubate I need a ton of time to figure out what feels good
-my clit is sensitive, my labia are all puffy and also sensitive, my vagina seems looser and wider. I found my G-spot again. Also feeling pressure in my belly, and I feel like I need to pee all the time. Which I'm pretty sure is the feeling of wanting to squirt.
-I've mastrubated since 7 years old, so I know what feels good, but its been 2 years, so its taking some time to rediscover how to mastrubate. I need to go slowly and have a light touch.
-It takes an hour for me to mastrubate properly-which is longer than the old 3 min routine. Again, fine. But sometimes I don't have the hour I need because...
-My mom and little sister keep walking in on me. Like even if I close my bedroom door-which in our family is the sign for privacy. My Dad gets it, I don't know how because we don't talk about this stuff but thanks Dad. Why Mom?! My sister is 12 (almost 13) so I don't want to tell her what I'm doing-plus she always wants to watch movie clips/listen to music with me. That's fine since my stuff is rated PG-I use my imagination-but talk about awkward, since I cannot do it with her there.

-Somewhere along the line my aunts,grandma,family friends who cleaned the house while we were all dealing with cancer, threw away the old electric toothbrushes, the old really soft towels, the old memory foam pillows, the very raggedy looking vibrating neck pillow that nobody ever uses that was in the back of the closet...where is it now?! All my old makeshift homemade sex toys I used since age 11 are gone. So when my hands don't work idk what to do.

-So much liquid and so many wet dreams. Like I've been waking up at 3 AM 4 or 5 nights a week in a literal puddle (I remember most dreams so I know that they are wet dreams) -and I thought this only happened to guys?! Spending so much time in bathroom wiping up my mom and grandma both think I have a UTI-I'm like nope, but never in a million years could I admit this to grandma-she's even more oblivious and nosy than my mom.

-Basically everything is better when I have the time/space to mastrubate, but life seems intent on either not giving me time or privacy or both. I understand that ignoring it works and I do that, but these feelings are sooo great and I don't want to totally ignore them, I mean I feel like myself again, fully, for the first time in 2 years, despite the added complication of being horny all the time. I just want everyone to leave the house so I can run a bubble bath, then get out and find something in the house that viabrates with no sharp edges, that people won't use.

-The reason my mom especially won't leave me alone is that the parents are concerned about my school/career, which no surprise, my grades suffered when my mom and aunt had cancer. Grades are actually doing a lot better thanks to their checking up on me. Except when I'm horny and just want to BE ALONE. But really, if I miss out on my med school entrance exams because I cannot stop staring a a hot celebrity or watching a music video, I will be really mad. I've worked very hard to get to where I am, and won't ruin it because of boys. So there's that aspect too. But also boys are HOT now, and my body feels good now and WOO HOO-life is good! So how do I make space for both?

Also PS-but is this site good for 12/13 year olds? My mom is starting to talk with my sister about safe relationships etc. Which is fine, she taught me plenty of good things. But there are some things she didn't mention, like how mastrubation is totally safe and fun way to explore your body. In fact, she and my grandma tried to get me to stop mastrubating when I was little, but I figured it out on my own by accident at 7 (then didn't stop because it felt so good). I didn't even know the word matched with what I was doing until 17. The last thing I want is for my sister to get some strange idea about something like mastrubation, her body, or liking boys/girls/whoever and thought I could introduce her to this site, with the caveat that some things might go above her head and that she shouldn't feel pressured to read/know everything.

[Heather]

Hey there.

Starting with your PS: it can be! If you think she might feel overwhelmed, you can have her start with the quickies section, where we have really pared down some of our most basic pieces: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/quickies You can also suggest that she uses the search function to find what she wants and needs. Being around for so long, there is a LOT of content here, so just filing through it all can get overwhelming. But looking for what you want with search or tags makes it less so. <3

Moving back unto your own stuff: it is totally common for how things feel to change over time, and what you're describing all sounds like nothing out of the ordinary to me. Feeling more desire and sexual interest, feeling more easily and readily turned on after the worst of the pandemic has passed, after a depression has lifted, the stress of your mother and other family member's cancer (so glad to hear she's okay), improved sleep, more interest in your whole life...yep, all recipes more more of all those sexy things!

The fluid may or may not be about arousal or may not JUST be about arousal. Right about the age you are is pretty peak reproductive age for most folks with a uterus, so you're going to tend to have more fluids when it comes to fertility at this time of life, for one, but yeah, it can be about arousal, too. People of all genders can get aroused in sleep and bodies can respond sexually, not just cisgender dudes.

How might it go if you just asked for some privacy? You don't have to say for what, you can just say that you feel like you can't get so much as five minutes without people just walking in, and both need some time alone, but also some boundaries, like knocking, or maybe a room where it's a given you can just be there? Alternately, might moving out soon be an option? Of course, that could mean these same negotiations with roommates, but sometimes those can go a lot better, and those boundaries can be a lot easier to enforce when everyone wants them.

Lastly, in terms of managing your time, an hour or two for self-care -- and masturbation is a kind of that -- should be something we're all able to do. I'd say if life feels like there isn't room for that, it's the rest of life we need to adjust, you know? Can you make set times for your studies so that that gets taken care of?

[spottedowl]

Hi Heather!
I feel a lot better knowing that being this into boys is ok now, so thanks for that! My sister will most likely love this site and I’ll definitely start with the “quickies”!

Onto my stuff-as soon as I got done typing my response I heard my dad telling my mom that “sometimes 20 year olds need space” so he initiated it for me this time. I feel like I should practice doing that for myself more. My mom said she would be happy to give me my time alone-so long as I was studying when I was supposed to-which sounds fair.

Also- did not know that about the fluid-that’s good to keep in mind.

Given that both my parents have given me the freedom to choose my own schedule, and a car, I think I should take a little advantage of my own freedom. My mom is at work everyday and my dad travels regularly-so chances are if I come home for lunch I can easily get 2 hours on my own. Even if I’m not on my own-the main problem is my mom and if she’s not there (she won’t be) it’s all good. My sister only bothers me because my mom tells her to, and my dad doesn’t care much, as I’ve said before.

I hate college lunch, live 15 min away from college, and never get anything done around lunchtime anyway- so this will work most days. When it doesn’t, I can easily take an hour in the morning before everyone wakes up-since I’m a pretty early riser.

I’m also an introvert who needs some time alone each day to function well. I think giving myself an hour or two alone everyday for whatever I need-whether that’s mastrubating, fantasies, or just something relaxing, is a good thing.

Oh-and about my other question. That’s going well too, since I’ve joined up with the South Asian Student Association on campus, so we all share stories and complain about our families together. I forgot what I was feeling guilty about. In any case, it helps to know that I’m not the only Indian student at school dealing with this stuff.

Thank you!

[Sofi]

All great news! As a former college student who lived with my mom at 22, I relate to your struggle and echo everything said - finding even just 30 minutes a day (some days are really busy!) to yourself for pleasureable activities, even if that day it isn't masturbation and it's just watching music videos or whatever else, is great. Make sure you keep respectfully enforcing your boundaries with your family if they get back to old patterns. Best of luck <3