Girlfriend wants to kiss a girl, I’m not comfortable with that

[Andrewb99]

I’m a straight guy, dating a girl who tells me she’s straight. We’ve been dating exclusively for about a year now and lately she has been saying she wants to kiss a girl, she says she “just wants the experience of doing it once” and I told her that it would make me uncomfortable since I feel like it’s cheating, the same way it would be if she kissed another guy. She says it’s different because she wouldn’t have any feelings for the girl she just wants the experience of it. I really don’t see how that changes things. I thought about it and said the only way I’d be ok with it is if she did it in a threesome and she said she didn’t want that either. I didn’t tell her why that would make it ok with me but if it matters the reason is because then we would be doing it together. I guess I just wanted to vent because I feel bad that I’m not comfortable with it but I also feel like my feelings about this are valid too. If you’ve got any advice or have any reason I might be thinking about this wrong please tell me.

[Sam W]

Hi Andrewb99,

You're right that your feelings are valid, and honestly it doesn't sound to me like you're thinking about this the "wrong" way. If it's outside of the boundaries of your relationship to kiss other people, then logically that applies to people of all genders. Of course, different people and different relationships have all sorts of comfort levels around physical intimacy with other people, but you're allowed to feel the level of discomfort you do with her kissing someone else.

Is this issue continuing to come up in conversation? Or does it feel like your girlfriend has sort of dropped it?

Too, it sounds like your girlfriend is operating from the fallacy of "it doesn't count if it's a girl." This isn't great for a number of reasons, the first being that it reinforces some crummy ideas about how sex and relationships between women aren't as "real" as ones between men and women. But it also misses the fact that it really sucks to be the person being used for someone else's experimentation; queer women don't exist to help other people satisfy their curiosity about same-gender experiences.