I’m confused and don’t know if how I feel is good.

[Angelz]

Hello!

I feel like I’m a femboy, but at the same time I feel like I’m not..let me explain.

I’m a 13 male and I kinda consider myself a closeted femboy, but I’m not sure if that’s how I really feel.

I keep seeing that being a femboy is about dressing up to be comfortable and dressing how you truly want, but this isn’t necessarily what I truly want. Yes, I do feel comfortable in them but I feel WAY more aroused than anything else.

So, am I really a femboy? Cuz I mostly do it cuz it arouses me, and not really because I feel comfortable in them. I do but not a lot.

(I’ve tried gender journaling but there’s no real progression. I still feel like a guy but at the same time I like wearing skirts and thigh highs.)

[HannahP]

Hi Angelz! Welcome back!

What I'm hearing is that you know that you enjoy wearing certain kinds of clothes that make you feel feminine, like skirts and thigh highs, but you're not sure what it *means* that you like it, is that right? You're not sure if it says something about your gender identity in a broad sense or if it's a solely sexual preference/desire.

I think you've been doing some great self-reflection over the past few weeks, even if it doesn't seem like you're making any progress! The last sentence of your post, "I still feel like a guy but at the same time I like wearing skirts and thigh highs" sounds really clear to me! It is perfectly common for people who fully identify as men or boys to enjoy wearing feminine-coded clothing for all kinds of reasons, including because they find it arousing. This isn't a contradiction or something wrong about how you feel at all.

Sometimes when we're stressing out about whether a particular label suits us or not, in can be helpful to take a step back from the label and just thinking about the things you know about yourself right now. A label is just supposed to be a helpful shorthand to describe something about you, so if it's not feeling helpful, it's okay to let it go. How do you feel about saying to yourself "Right now, I feel like a guy and I like wearing skirts and thigh highs" rather than trying to figure out if identifying as a femboy feels right to you?

[Angelz]

Hello Hannah!

First of all, yeah it’s been a while since I’ve made a post But yeah, thank you for answering.

I’ve been reflecting for the last 15 minutes and I think you’re right. I still think that it’s good to consider how I feel about myself right now, but you’re right, I should continue to reflect and see what label is right for me.

Maybe I’ll want to be a girl, maybe I’ll stay as a boy or maybe I’ll stay as a femboy. All of this seems so confused, but thanks to your message, I know deep inside that it’s okay and that it’ll sort itself out.

I think that I’ll continue to see how I feel like and sometimes continue with the journal.

Anyways, thank you for your answer!

[HannahP]

Hi Angelz! I completely agree and I love your insight that maybe the way you feel and identify will change in the future, and that's okay. I think sometimes a label feels comforting because it feels like a way of solidifying our identity, but the truth is that we are always growing and changing and learning more about ourselves.

Something you might want to journal about or just think about is what about the femboy label is appealing to you? Sometimes when we are questioning certain labels, we're really looking for something else — like, part you might feel like that that label would give you permission to feel a certain way or act a certain way that you might be wanting. Does that make sense?

[Angelz]

Hello Hannah.

So if I understand well, you’re suggesting that I should journal about what about being a femboy is appealing to me and if I’m putting the label for me cuz' it would give me benefits or permissions?

[KierC]

Hi Angelz,

I hope it’s ok I’m popping in! I think your understanding of what Hannah said is right. Sometimes it can be helpful to have a specific prompt or question to guide journaling, and I think what Hannah is also saying is that sometimes we might be searching for a certain word to describe our identities so that we feel like it’s okay or “allowed” to dress a certain way, but I think what she’s also saying is that using a specific word/“label” is not necessary in order to be able to dress how you want to dress, unless you *want* to use (and feel good using) specific words to describe your identity. Does that clarify a bit?

[Angelz]

Hello KierC!

Yes, it does So I’ll continue my gender journaling to see if the femboy label applies to me or to see which one does

Thanks for the advice of you two!

[HannahP]

Sounds great, Angelz! And we're always happy to talk through your thoughts here as you explore more.