Masturbation as a pre-t transguy

[MaxiMan]

So it has been 4 years since I came out to my family and it took some time for people to get used to the new pronouns, my mom took me to get a haircut and some jeans, flannel, and sweats and cargo pants. Since then I have come across a small(or not so small) dilemma that is impacting how I look in the mirror. My body dysphoria gets into the way of me feeling pleasure during masturbation and often turns me off before I can get off. I have tried distracting myself like thinking of characters I find attractive, or my current partner, or something other than my body. How can I better understand what my body needs as well as my mind when it comes to masturbating as a transguy?

[Heather]

Welcome to the boards, MaxiMan. I'm so glad you have a supportive parent in your transition. <3

I wonder if you have tried fantasizing about the kind of body that really feels like yours, like the kind of body you want to be in?

[MaxiMan]

I have tried fantasizing about the body that feels like it would be mine, the one I want to be in but the moment I open my eyes or remember what my hands are touching, it all fades into frustration.

[Heather]

I'm sorry to hear that.

Can I ask if you're yet in any therapy to help you with your dysphoria? If not, is that something you'd be open to and might be able to access? Some qualified help with your dysphoria -- some of which might be able to be solved for via therapy wither before or without any medical transition, depending on what you want -- could go a long way with this.

[MaxiMan]

I am in therapy but for FND rather than my dysphoria. I have opened up about my dysphoria to my therapist but not to the extent of this or at least in this detail. I haven't thought about saying anything as far about masturbation because the therapy is mainly for my medical conditions and that's where my parents minds are. They care about dysphoria though their minds are more in the idea of "tackle this first and then we can move forward". And yes I will admit that my medical conditions have also affected my habits and feeling pleasure.

[Heather]

Yeah, that's not the kind of therapy I was asking about. That sounds like a very specific focus on something else (I'm assuming you mean functional neurological disorder).

I was asking specifically about supportive therapy for you as a trans person, both with your transition, with issues like this, and in general. It doesn't sound likely the therapist you're seeing for that could be that person or would be likely to have that kind of training and background.

Is that something you could ask them for, or see about seeking out that kind of support on your own? I know that given where you are, that might have a lot to do with if you're in Atlanta or...well, almost anywhere else in Georgia, mind.

[MaxiMan]

I could see about asking my therapist for any referrals or suggestions for specifically trans related topics. I know she mentioned the Trevor Project so I might start with that. Thank you for replying to my responses, it's really hard to find any straightforward or helpful responses on the internet. P.S yes I am referring to Functional Neurological Disorder.

[Heather]

The Trevor Project is a suicide hotline, they can't and don't help with general things: in fact, they often refer users to us asking about sex. We're more the kind of help that you can find with this, and I don't know of another inclusive place with free direct services that helps with sex and sexuality besides us.

By all means, if you want to try and talk more through this here or in our other services, we can do that. I suggested a therapist because the privacy of therapy as well as a decided person and time AND specialized training can offer things that people and places who aren't therapists can't.

So, what you'd want to ask for a referral for isn't trans topics, but a therapist who can specifically serve you as a trans person with the kinds of things many trans people struggle with, like transition and dysphoria.

[MaxiMan]

I will see about asking my mom when things aren't so choppy. Thank you.

[Heather]

Of course. If we can help you with that conversation, just let us know.

If it helps, trans-centered therapy is a critical part of transition and/or affirmation for many trans folks, usually showing up -- when someone can access it -- right around the spot it sound like you're in, where you know you're trans, you've claimed it for yourself and have come out, where you're dressing in affirming ways, but you're not yet (or at all, depending on what you want and can access) in a medical transition.

And if it's helpful at all, too, here's a good list of books from PFLAG for parents and other adults about trans and gender-expansiveness: https://pflag.org/resource/transgender- ... or-adults/

[MaxiMan]

So recently I have come to a realization. Don't feel with your hands, just the rest of my body...kept the same idea of closing my eyes and not looking. Recently I also started lucid dreaming to see if I could connect deeper with my sub-conscious to enhance emotional euphoria while reaching a climax and it worked..But now I'm more concerned with the dark and seriously messed up things I imagined..Am I alone?

[Heather]

It sounds like you have come up with a good strategy or two for yourself!

If what you're asking is if people other than you have felt uncomfortable with things in their sexual imagination, the answer is a resounding yes. Sexuality is a complex, deep space, and what's in our imaginations often can be surprising. But the thing is, all of those are only thoughts: they don't do anyone any harm, and fantasies are a safe place to have and explore what thoughts we have.

[MaxiMan]

What if the fantasies are really dark and they do include weaponry but the idea of it works to that climax? In the fantasy there is an unsheathed knife and a person, but it's all consensual. The idea of the possible danger and seeing blood on my mind..it does something. I would never do something like that to someone in real life without consent or taking it too far. I just worry that these thoughts and fantasies are unnatural. I feel like most would consider my thoughts insane or psychopathic..

[Heather]

I’m not sure there’s any such thing as a “natural” fantasy. The whole point of fantasy is that it is a departure from reality, and fantasy is diverse as heck.

Maybe it’s helpful to you to consider fantasy literature and see how even in it there’s a lot that’s dark and scary?