i dont know i dont think it matters.
she looked so quiet compared to when we met. i dont know if she recognized me but i did her and i just feel disgusting. the moment i remembered all this stuff it keeps coming back again and again. i wondered if i should say hi or apologize or something but i just stayed far away. i don't belong in her life anymore. i sound so pathetic feeling so nervous about something I did
i just hope shes okay
am i a perpetrator and do i deserve anything in life (tw; sa)
Forum rules
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
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bbbjjnn
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- Posts: 29
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- Age: 16
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Re: am i a perpetrator and do i deserve anything in life (tw; sa)
my message didnt go through. i feel so terrible again. she looked so quiet. she laughed but she looked so quiet. i thought about saying hi and apologizing but i felt like it would be better to just stay out of her life forever so that is what i did. i feel so stupid.
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Latha
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
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Re: am i a perpetrator and do i deserve anything in life (tw; sa)
Hi Bbbjjnn,
You know, if this girl seemed a little down or subdued, that doesn’t mean it was because of you. It’s been a few years since you were in day care together - she has a whole life that exists beyond that. Imagine all the other reasons why someone might seem quiet on a given day. She could be tired or stressed about a number of things that are not you.
And as Caitlin discussed earlier in this thread, the incident you’re worried about didn’t seem forceful at all - it just looks like the kind of sexual exploration that a lot of children go through. This event is important to you because you feel like you might have hurt her, but given how common this sort of play is, there is a good chance she doesn’t even remember it that much.
Whether you are okay definitely matters. It does seem like seeing this girl has bought up some big worries for you again.i dont know i dont think it matters.
You know, if this girl seemed a little down or subdued, that doesn’t mean it was because of you. It’s been a few years since you were in day care together - she has a whole life that exists beyond that. Imagine all the other reasons why someone might seem quiet on a given day. She could be tired or stressed about a number of things that are not you.
And as Caitlin discussed earlier in this thread, the incident you’re worried about didn’t seem forceful at all - it just looks like the kind of sexual exploration that a lot of children go through. This event is important to you because you feel like you might have hurt her, but given how common this sort of play is, there is a good chance she doesn’t even remember it that much.
Oh, was this message a post here, or did you text this girl?my message didnt go through
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bbbjjnn
- not a newbie
- Posts: 29
- Joined: Sat Apr 19, 2025 12:55 pm
- Age: 16
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: mirror
- Location: usa
Re: am i a perpetrator and do i deserve anything in life (tw; sa)
i wasnt able to find the message i sent here in the forum sorry. i did not message her. i am too worried about worrying too much about myself to consider what that could do to her. and i see what you mean. there are plenty of reasons but whenever i tell myself that it feels like im making up excuses to make myself feel better. i know what happened was "normal" i guess i just feel disgusted.
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HannahP
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
- Posts: 194
- Joined: Fri Jun 07, 2024 9:57 am
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- Awesomeness Quotient: I collect peppy breakup songs.
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: She/her
- Location: Washington, DC
Re: am i a perpetrator and do i deserve anything in life (tw; sa)
Hi bbbjjin. I'm sorry this is weighing on you so much. It sounds like you have a lot of shame about this experience.
I understand that it's hard to really believe it when we say that your experience was normal and nothing to feel guilty or disgusted about. While I'm happy to keep reinforcing that, I also wonder — what sort of support surrounding this do you think would be helpful right now? What would you like to focus on?
I understand that it's hard to really believe it when we say that your experience was normal and nothing to feel guilty or disgusted about. While I'm happy to keep reinforcing that, I also wonder — what sort of support surrounding this do you think would be helpful right now? What would you like to focus on?
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