Why does my orgasm feel less intense?

[Marly]

Hello,
I recently experienced my orgasm decrease in satisfaction when i masturbate. The first times I orgasm I almost passed out and it was super intense and I wa left satisfied with those now it's not satisfying anymore I still feel horny afterwards and I crave more wich I fond not very pleasing. If there was anything I could do to have my intense orgasm back I would be up to trying it.

[Heather]

It’s very common for our first experiences of anything to be more intense than they are once they aren’t so new.

But here’s the thing: orgasms only last a few seconds each and are only one small part of what can be — and usually is, when people have satisfying experiences — a whole experience, and all the pleasure of solo or partnered sex. So, you may not always be able to have orgasms as intense as those first few, especially since orgasm varies a lot from day to day, but if masturbation is feeling lackluster, it’s likely the whole experience that you’ll want to focus on and spend real time with than trying to replicate particular orgasms.

Does that make sense to you?

[Marly]

I am sorry it seems very vague what you are saying. If you could reformulate what you said in other words it would be better for my understanding.

[Heather]

No need to be sorry, happy to give a reword a try.

When orgasm is brand new to us, it often feels more intense just because it's new, and we are extra excited about it as a result. Our bodies also won't be used to how it feels. We can't "go back to that" because we can't really make a thing that isn't new anymore new to us again.

But orgasm, being so short, and only really being about a nervous system response, isn't usually what makes sex -- be it solo sex (masturbation) or with partners -- feel most satisfying, even though it can feel like it might at first. What makes sex most satisfying is usually the whole experience of it, from before it starts until after it's over, and that is something we can do something about if sex isn't feeling satisfying because our orgasms don't feel as intense. Too, when what comes before orgasm has felt more exciting, and when we invest more time and energy on what leads UP to orgasm, that also tends to make orgasms more intense.

That all said, can I ask what your experience of masturbation is like for you leading up to orgasm? Does it feel really exciting and interesting? Are you giving yourself time and space to really get into it and focus on your pleasure and the whole experience? Are you exploring different ways of touching yourself (and not just your genitals) and different things to think about before and during? All of these are things that tend to improve the pleasure and satisfaction people experience during solo sex.

[Marly]

My experience is usually always the same since I can't find other ways to reach orgasm. It feel exciting but not that interesting like I know what is coming and stuff. I do focus on my pleasure the whole time but sometimes I don't have that much time to do it. I did not really explore anything more that my genitals and I usually don't really think about anything (I have no clue what to think about really other than how it feels). If you have any recommendations to help based on my answers to your question I am very open to suggestions.

[Heather]

Thanks for the extra information!

It certainly doesn't sound like your masturbation is particularly compelling to you, nor like you have been able to have -- or give yourself -- the kind of time you might need to really get into it with your head all the way in the game, as it were.

Sex educator Betty Dodson -- may she rest in power! -- used to use the term "erotic recess" to describe a way of coming to and engaging in masturbation, and I think that term really sums up the best way to approach it: as time and space to play and explore, and really focus on our pleasure and expressing our sexuality through masturbation. So, the best advice I have to start is to think of masturbation like that and approach it that way. See if you can't actually make some real time, let's say, leaving an hour or so free for it, whether or not you use the whole hour. You can spend that time working up fantasies or other thoughts that excite you -- and if just how to feels is what's exciting, that counts! -- then exploring your body as a whole, just based on what feels good. It might help to think of how you touch the rest of your body as the way you might your genitals, maybe focusing on other nerve-rich areas (like the genitals are) like your lips, fingertips, nipples, feet and hands, or any other areas that just feel good when you touch them. As you get more excited and feel more pleasure, you can add genitals to the mix, all the while just focusing on what feels good, rather than on getting to the end of it or orgasm.

Don't focus on just what gets you to orgasm: again, that won't tend to equal a very satisfying experience, especially if orgasm is the end of your masturbation, and especially because orgasm only lasts a few seconds. Instead, you really want to just base what you are doing on what feels good and let pleasure lead you, rather than the pursuit of orgasm. Do you get what I mean?

You might also find some things in this article helpful: Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation.

[Marly]

I think I get it, thank you for your help.

[Heather]

Great! Happy to have been of help, and please feel free to come back to this thread or make others if you have more questions about this or anything else. <3