Please help me

[nrai]

I had sex yesterday with my boyfriend. We used protection and he finished around 5 times, afterwards he put it in without the condom but before that we cleaned the whole thing with water and a towel and left it completely dry. He was only in me for a minute and i stopped him and he said he didn’t finish at all and I didn’t feel anything either. He also takes forever to finish, I ended up not taking a plan b because I don’t have any money but today he fingered me and I went to wipe and there was light pink discharge. Could this be pregnancy related? I’m on day 24 of 30 and my period is in a week. I’m so scared and I feel stupid for doing what I did but I really did make sure it was completelty dry to the point it hurt when we made contact. What should I do? In getting money tmr so maybe I can buy a plan b but won’t it be ineffective? My ovulation was 9/21-9/25. Please help me

[Latha]

I'm sorry to hear that this has left you feeling so scared, Nrai! Don't worry, this is manageable, and we can figure out your next steps together. Pregnancy scares are really common, and they are nothing to be ashamed of.

Let's evaluate the facts: Unprotected PIV sex does pose some risk of pregnancy, though it is lower than it would be otherwise since your partner didn't ejaculate. As you thought, a good next step is to take emergency contraception: plan B can be taken up to 120 hours or five days after you've had unprotected sex, so it will still be effective tomorrow. After you take it, you'll want to confirm that you are not pregnant. Getting your period is always a sure sign of that, but your cycle may be delayed by taking plan B this time. Another way you can confirm is to take a pregnancy test in two weeks.

How does this plan sound to you? If you are concerned about the cost of plan B, do you think you could ask your boyfriend to help pay for it?

The pink discharge you noticed is probably unrelated to pregnancy-- you wouldn't see any signs of that so soon. It is more likely that the discharge was from a small abrasion or cut that occurred while you were having sex. Those usually heal on their own, so you should be perfectly fine.

[Heather]

Just want to add that the pink discharge you saw may be some blood in your discharge due to vaginal abrasions. You seem to be describing intercourse that has gone on for a while, and condom use, but I didn't see you mention. using a lubricant anywhere.

Just in case you don't know, using a lubricant is important to help keep condoms from breaking, but it's also important to help intercourse both feel as good for you as it can and to protect your vagina from abrasions due to friction.

[nrai]

So than u recommend I should take a plan b correct? I know people have said that it’s pointless after you’ve ovulated. I’ve had an incident like this in the past before and I took a plan b and it just delayed my period so I’m not sure if it was effective or not as I wasn’t sure in the first place if he ejaculated. I appreciate your response and tips as this does really help me think through. Lubricant yes we do use that! Sorry for being vague about it lol

[Heather]

Most people, especially young people, can't actually know with any accuracy when they have ovulated. If an app told you that, you have to know that apps that only track periods cannot accurately predict ovulation, even if they say they can. We just need more information than that to do that accurately.

It is unlikely, if your boyfriend did not ejaculate right before the unprotected intercourse, or during, that you had a pregnancy risk, but obviously that is something you will need to make clear he shouldn't do in the future if you don't want to risk pregnancy. If you do want to have some extra protection, though, even with a small risk, then yes, emergency contraception is the way to get that extra protection.

Since you are in California, I do want to make sure you know you have some ways to get Plan B for free. It is usually free at Planned Parenthood and public health clinics in California. Family PACT -- https://familypact.org/services-covered/ -- also can provide you with free contraception if you'd like to consider adding a method of birth control as a backup to condoms, and so you have a method of your own you can rely on. <3

[nrai]

Do i have to be 18 years or older to go to planned parenthood? I am a minor and wouldn’t want my parent to know. I really do want to consider birth control but I’m afraid of asking my mom and I also know the disadvantages that come with it

[Latha]

Hi Nrai! No, you don't have to be 18--you have the right to consent to receive contraception on your own.

The disadvantages of birth control do not all affect everyone, and there may be ways to minimize the side effects you do experience. If you would like, we can talk to you about that. The clinicians at Planned Parenthood should also be a good source of information.

[nrai]

Hello! I’m very sorry the late response but I don’t get notifications for some odd reason but I wasn’t able to get the plan b because my mom didn’t leave the house at all but I was supposed to get my period today but I haven’t gotten it. I’ve had my normal symptoms for example I’ve been irritated all week and crying almost everyday. I’m also very stressed right now because I’m filling out college applications.. could that possibly be playing a factor into my delayed period? I’m very scared right now and I feel very stupid but I’m trying my best to not overthink because I know there was nothing there at all. Also on Tuesday morning I wiped after using the restroom and there was a lot of blood so I put a tampon in but after a couple of hours when I took it out it was just full of yellow discharge and pink discharge. What could this mean?

[Latha]

Hey, Nrai! Don't worry about responding late--the right time to respond is usually whenever you can get to it, here.

I want to start by saying that you are not stupid. You just have a lot going on right now, and you're dealing with uncertainty about an important question-- that is enough to make anyone feel worried. I know you are trying your best to manage these feelings, so I hope you'll also remember to give yourself some grace.

Stress can affect your cycle and delay your period (or cause it to skip a month entirely), so that could very well be a factor here. As for the bleeding you mentioned... it might be hard to say exactly what it means. Since it didn't fill a tampon, it sounds like spotting, and that can happen for a number of reasons. At this point, I think it would be a good idea to wait a few more days... maybe until the 16th of this month. Either you'll get your period, or you'll be able to test for pregnancy. Whatever the result is, we will help you figure out your next steps. I understand this is scary, but I do believe that you will be fine.

How does this sound? What do you think would help you feel more assured right now?

[nrai]

I really don’t know what can assure me because I feel really irresponsible and I’m overthinking about everything because there really was nothing there and it was only for 20 seconds-40 seconds. I already told him that if I do get my period we won’t be having intercourse for a while but this is just really scary because I usually am always on time.

[Straif]

Hi Nrai, I'm glad to hear you're communicating with your BF about your fears. You don't say how he responded, but that will tell you a lot about whether he's someone you can feel safe with, which is the bare minimum we all deserve in any kind of relationship. Here are examples of the kinds of topics/questions that are probably worth bringing up, even if it's difficult:

Feelings: Have you talked together how you can support each other? Do you feel like you're alone in this? Does he share your anxieties? Does he also feel that he was irresponsible? (If not, it might be worth asking why not.)

Birth Control: Does he see it as a shared responsibility? What will you do together in the very unlikely scenario that you are pregnant? (Because it is 100 percent his responsibility too.) Is he willing to help pay for Plan B and other types of birth control beyond condoms in the future?

Consent: How did he respond when you told him you weren't interested in having PIV intercourse? Was he open and willing to talk about what kinds of sex you BOTH want to have? And what led up to him penetrating you without a condom? Was that something you both wanted?

I mention all these questions because it is very unlikely that you're pregnant, and you should be asking them no matter what. It might also help you feel more empowered if you feel you can do something other than wait.

Finally, we all make mistakes and do "irresponsible" things. That's part of being human, but what really matters is how we handle ourselves after the fact. Are we able to have uncomfortable conversations? Treat ourselves and others with kindness and compassion? These are lifelong skills, and it's not ideal to be practicing them when you're already under a lot of stress. But that doesn't make it impossible so long as you give yourself-- and each other-- a little grace. Here are a few of our articles to help you out:

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https://www.scarleteen.com/read/relationships/be-blabbermouth-whys-whats-and-hows-talking-about-sex-partner

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https://www.scarleteen.com/read/relationships/quickies-healthy-relationships

[nrai]

My boyfriend has genuinely been supporting me through all of this as he is also scared. He has always been the one to buy the condoms and plan b, but this has definitely reassured me reading what you guys have been saying. Thank you for helping me get through this and I hope my period comes soon. Thank you

[Becky]

Hi Nrai!

I'm so glad we were able to help you out here on the boards. Was there anything else we can help you with or you wanted to discuss today?

[nrai]

I’m sorry if this is a dumb questions but if I forced myself to throw up on Tuesday could that possibly be a factor of why my period is two days late? I only forced myself to throw up because i felt really slow during practice and ate too much, but now im not sure if i probably harmed myself in a way. I’ve been dealing with the anxiety by reading the articles I’ve been provided with and I dont want this conversation to be repetitive. Im very sorry if it is.

[mikky]

hey nrai,

A quick note about late periods from The Pregnancy Panic Companion: When a Period Is Late or Missed:

A late period is typically defined as a period which has not arrived five or more days since the very latest someone expected it. So, if a person has a cycle where they expected a period to start sometime between the 14th and 18th (let’s say their cycle, from one period to another, is usually between 27 and 30 days), and they have not yet had their period by the 23rd, then their period is late. If it’s only the 15th, 18th, or 19th, it’s not really late yet, because it’s still within the window of the standard cycle deviation.

I hope that information can be somewhat helpful to you not just now, but any time in the future when your period comes slightly later than expected. Some variation is normal!

I am very sorry to hear you have been feeling so anxious, and it seems like when you made yourself throw up at practice, there were some more anxious and upset feelings driving that. If making yourself throw up is something you do regularly, then irregularity in menstrual cycle is one of many impacts. If this is not something you've done many times, we would think more about the type of stress and anxiety that you've been communicating to us here and the type of anxiety you were feeling at practice as reasons for a late period- but again, two days late is part of a very normal deviation in your cycle.

Would you want to talk more about how you were feeling at practice? Is this something you have done before?