Pregnancy paranoia

[Ray_yay]

Hello Scarleteen team!

I've had sex with my boyfriend a few days ago (to be more specific - on friday last week), and ever since then I am extremely anxious that I got pregnant, even though I know it's almost impossible.

For context: it was PIV sex, but I've been on a combined pill (Ebelya, which contains Levonorgestrel (150 mg) and ethinylestradiol (30 mg) , at least according to google) for a few months now, and I've never missed a pill and I also take my pills on the exact same time every single day + he didn't even get close to ejaculating inside me. However, I've read in multiple articles online that pre-cum can also contain sperm, and even though my birth control should protect me from that, I have this paranoia that since all my side effects from the pill went away after three months of taking it, then it obviously doesn't work on me anymore, therefore it doesn't protect me.

How do i deal with this paranoia? I love having sex, but i absolutely HATE the paranoia that sometimes follows

[Becky]

Hi Ray!

It sounds like you're definitely protected from pregnancy to me. It is true that pre-cum can contain sperm cells, but it's not guaranteed and it's usually a very small amount. Also, your side effects are supposed to go away as your body adjusts to the hormones in the pill. This means everything is working as it should. As long as you've continued to take your pills in the correct order at the same time every day you're protected.

If it would help your paranoia, you can combine birth control options. How would you and your partner feel about also using condoms or another barrier method while having PIV sex?

[Ray_yay]

Hi!

We actually did use condoms during sex for the longest time, and I was never paranoid after that. We only tried sex without the condom for the first time now (just to see how it feels), and seeing how paranoid it made me, we'll definitely be going back to using condoms in the future.

Right now, i just need to calm down my anxiety and make my brain realise that NO, I am in fact NOT pregnant

[KierC]

Hi Ray_yay!

Going back to a barrier method after experiencing pregnancy anxiety is a great idea. I’m hopeful for you that adding condoms back in will help lessen the anxiety you’re feeling!

But I understand you’re still feeling anxious in the meantime. We do have some resources that might help you feel more calm right now! I want to send you this resource first: You’re Not Pregnant. Why Do You Think You Are?. I like this article because it dives into some of the underlying reasons you might experience persistent pregnancy anxiety, which can give you more practical solutions to feeling calmer. Going through that article, did anything come to mind about where this anxiety might be coming from?

Also, I understand you’re feeling paranoid about your birth control. Do you find yourself struggling with anxiety and paranoia more generally, or do you find it to be mostly about reproduction?

[Ray_yay]

Hello!

I struggle with anxiety and paranoia on a daily basis. I suspect I might have some kind of an undiagnosed anxiety disorder (my parents never let me get tested for anything, so I have no way of knowing for sure), however it's way stronger when it comes to pregnancy. I am just in general absolutely horrified by the idea of ever potentially becoming pregnant, it's literally the equivalent to body horror to me (and yes, I am planning on getting sterilised in the future!), but I also absolutely love sex, so this is a very unfortunate combination for me. Whenever I have sex, I always really enjoy it in the moment, but then suffer with mild to severe anxiety about it for the few days to weeks until i get my period

[KierC]

Hi!

I’m so sorry to hear that your parents won’t let you get tested. You deserve to receive care and attention surrounding the anxiety you struggle with. Do you think your parents would be open to you seeking out another form of mental health support like a therapist or counselor, or is that also under the realm of testing? Too, do you have a primary doctor that you see that you might be able to approach about this?

I also want to send you this resource, it’s one of my favorites on our site because of how many amazing resources it lists for anxiety: Anxiety and Other Mental Health Resources. There’s a lot of websites for learning more about anxiety and seeking treatment. In the meantime, though, if you ever need help calming down right now, under “To find out more…,” the resource called “Headspace” is my favorite for anxiety.

[Ray_yay]

Thank you for the resource, i will definitely go read through that as soon as I have time :D

And to answer your question- no. My parents are very much not open to me seeking out mental health support. Whenever I told them that I'm struggling with something mentally in the past, they've just told me something along the lines of "you're faking it", or "there's no way you're actually stressed at your age". So basically I have to wait until I'm a legal adult and can go get help with my mental health myself without my parents having to know about it :(
I could theoretically try to go to my primary doctor about this, but I'm scared that once again, she will tell my parents, and they'll brush it off and tell me to stop being so sensitive about everything

[Andy]

Ahoj Ray_yay!

So nice to see someone from Czech Republic here!
Sorry to hear about what brought you here, though. I’m especially sorry your parents aren’t helpful with this and have so obsolete and hurtful approach.
Thankfully, there are some ways in which you can access mental health care at your age without needing your parents’ permission.

Firstly, for examplpe there is this helpline: https://www.linkabezpeci.cz/ You can call, chat or email with them. (if you would prefer something in English, let me know)
Secondly, starting at the age of 15, you are allowed to visit a school psychologist/counselor, without your parent’s permission. Is that something that would be doable for you?
Lastly, like you mentioned, you can visit your primary doctor and she shouldn’t tell your parents anything about it unless there is some direct danger present (I’m saying shouldn’t, because unless the court is involved, your parents unfortunately have the right to access your health information till you are 18). Similarly, you can visit a private psychologist on your own, though not all might be open to take you in if your parents are against that.
Do you think they might directly stop you from accessing care or they are just passive and won’t help you finding it?

I also wanted to check in with you about how do you generally feel at home and around your parents?

[Ray_yay]

Ahoj!!

I am equally as pleasantly surprised as you to see a fellow czech person here :D

To answer your questions: yes, I actually do visit my school psychologist pretty frequently. She's a very nice lady. Although, I have never told her about my anxiety issues. I've only ever talked to her about problems I have with my classmates (some of them are openly transphobic and I sometimes feel unsafe among them) and didnt even think of bringing up my mental issues to her yet. I will try to schedule an appointment to talk to her about this specific issue though!!

I don't think my parents would really stop me from accessing care, they would just probably make fun of me if they found out I'm struggling and call me a faker.
As you can kind of guess from all this- the relationship I have with my parents is not really ideal. I am sometimes scared to come home because they're very unpredictable and sometimes very verbally abusive. I won't go into much detail, but basically my parents are one of the main sources of all my trauma. So uh. Not good. I hate it here, i dont feel comfortable around my parents, and can't wait to move out (to be clear: they have never been physically abusive to me and never actually physically hurt me in any way. I am not in any danger. They just yell at me a lot sometimes that's all)

[Sofi]

I'm so sorry to hear your parents would make fun of you for seeking professional mental healthcare and that they often yell at you and call you names. I'm glad you realize that's abusive, and there's nothing wrong with seeking mental health support. I think talking to your school psychiatrist about your anxiety would be a great first step! I'm also so sorry you have to deal with transphobic classmates. </3 How has the school psychologist reacted to that when you've brought it up?

[Ray_yay]

There is unfortunately a big transphobia/homophobia problem in the czech republic (at least where I live- I live in a pretty small town. And small towns tend to be more judgemental than big ones), so before I brought it up she was already aware of the situation being bad. She mostly recommended me not to talk to my classmates about my gender identity ever again, and I'm more than happy with that (I basically barely talk to anyone in my class. I used to for a little while, but not anymore. I generally don't feel good among big groups of people, classes included. I'm genuinely happy that I don't have to talk to anyone).
By the way, the school psychologist told me that the transphobia problem in my school stretches far beyond just my classmates. Some of the teachers are very transphobic too (and, luckily, the teachers do not know about my gender identity at all, so I'm okay). She said she's trying to fight it as much as she can (scheduling meetings with the teachers and repeatedly telling them how hurtful their transphobia can be to trans students), but it's generally not received well.

[mikky]

Hey Ray_yay,

Gosh, this environment: the town, your classmates, the teachers, and your parents, seem to combine to be very difficult. That is a lot to be navigating and I am really glad you are here with us.
Having the ally of this school psychologist seems really important, and it's very cool she is trying to combat the transphobic culture in the school. It seems like she would also be a safe person to talk to about anxiety.

Given all of this, I want to say that paranoia and anxiety seem like very reasonable reactions. Sure, your brain might be denying some realities in favor of fears of pregnancy, but as a young person who really does not want to be pregnant, is having to hide their gender identity from others, and who does not have a supportive home, I can't imagine the thought of pregnancy being a relaxing one for you. I say this as a reminder that being anxious or paranoid doesn't mean you/your brain is broken.

Is your boyfriend someone you feel safe with and supported by?

[Ray_yay]

Hi!!

Yeah, he's awesome!! Coincidentally, we go to the same school (but not the same class- he's 2 years older than me), so he helps me survive through the days. I am so very glad i have him. He even bought me a binder a few weeks ago, which has helped my dysphoria A LOT (and it's also helped my back pain. I used to struggle with back pain for years, because I was binding incorrectly with binders I got from Temu or other sketchy places). He's overall the greatest ally I have. He is not trans himself, but he is extremely patient and understanding

[Sofi]

That's amazing to hear! I'm so glad you have him as not just a partner but a friend. And big YAY for a good binder that doesn't cause you any pain! <3