Meeting up with a guy for the first time

[Cloudcovered]

I started talking to this guy I met through Instagram last year. The conversation kind of died and he wasn't putting in a lot of effort. He got a girlfriend afterwards who he must have broken up with a month or two ago.

We reconnected like 2 weeks ago and were talking on Instagram and he was initiating all the conversation. I was into him then. But then we were talking about favourite tv shows and I recommended him one and he said id have to watch it with him. I said maybe I'd have to and then he asked for my phone number so we can plan something. I did end up giving him my phone number cause all my friends said I should. We've been talking a bit on WhatsApp and he hasn't said anything about hanging out yet.

All of a sudden I feel sick thinking about it. I really do like him but I know I don't want a boyfriend or a relationship. I'd be fine with something casual but I know I don't want a relationship. I'm also 19 and I've never been with a boy in any romantic context or had a first kiss or anything. I like the idea of having a boyfriend but at the same time i don't want one. The thought of having to meet him in person for the first time makes me so sick. He's seen me around campus once last year but I didn't see him. Also, he's a year older than me and he's surely more experienced considering he had a girlfriend.

I just don't know what to do. The prospect of having to meet up makes me sick. I like talking to him over text so much. I also definitely don't want a boyfriend. My friend thought I should meet up with him because feelings change and I agree but it's so scary.

[Latha]

Hello and welcome to the boards, Cloudcovered!

If the prospect of meeting up with this guy makes you feel sick, you don't have to do it. Responding positively to the suggestion that you could watch a show together does not mean you actually have to do so now. It is perfectly okay to decline.

In fact, if you were to meet up, you would still be under no obligation to start a relationship with him, or to interact with him in ways that make you uncomfortable. You can always say no, and you can always change your mind even if you said yes to something before.

To consider what you might do now: If he doesn't bring up the idea of meeting, you don't have to bring it up either. And if he does, you can tell him that you are not up to meeting.

Does hearing that make this situation seem less scary, and more manageable? What do you think will happen if you do agree to meet up, and if you don't?