How to navigate sexuality, medication, transness, and overwhelm?

[coolcreature]

Hi!

I am 19 and have been on Zoloft since I was around 13. I have identified as Queer/Ace spec, but I've also been aware my medication could be a cause of my non-existent sex drive and disinterest in sex. Recently I've decided to try a new medication which could help me explore if that is the cause. The problem is I have no idea where to start or what to do. I've masturbated before, which very occasionally was pleasurable (last time I remember was probably 4 years ago when I was around 15). Since starting meds I've not really masturbated at all, maybe 3 or 4 times a year. It's honestly usually just a waste of time as I feel good for a couple of seconds and then it just stops being pleasurable. Not painful or anything, just nothing really notable. This, combined with some feelings of shame and general discomfort with the sensory experience and gender dysphoria, has made exploring my sexuality and body not something I've done much at all. It's not that I don't want to, it's more that it's been easier not to if that makes sense.

Anyway, my main question is how can I start to explore pleasure and sexuality, while navigating low sensitivity, and gender dysphoria? I am AFAB and don't love how aware fingering makes me of my genitalia, and I kinda hate the sensation of fluids and skin and such. I've tried looking for books about the topic of trans sex and such, but most of them seem to be about partnered sex. I almost wish there were like a how to guide which could give me options and see what other people like. I guess I just have no idea what less obvious options there are. I'm also interested in trying out toys, but that opens a whole huge and seemingly expensive world of options and confusion. I'd like to try some out, but if this med doesn't end up helping and I just continue to have a disinterest in sex, I don't wanna waste money on it. Also it seems a lot of the more queer/trans friendly toys are super expensive, and a lot of the others are very go girlboss woman she her baddie... which is not applicable to me.

I've tried some different things, but nothing ever seems to be enough to keep me aroused or interested. I'm aware I don't have to masturbate or be interested in sex, but I'd like to at least give it a shot. What can I try? Are there any general sex ed for trans folks books or resources which include self-pleasure? Any advice or guidance would be much appreciated!

[char]

Hi coolcreature! Happy to have you here on the boards ^_^

I'm sorry to hear that you've been having issues navigating your sexuality as a trans person on medication. It sounds like you've tried multiple things and considered others that you haven't tried yet. I'll get back to you if I've found other resources from us about exploring your sexuality with being trans and on medication in mind, but here are some articles for starters:
- Trans Summer School: Dating While Trans, Yes You Can!
- Take a Self-Love Road Trip: Let Curiosity Guide Your Masturbation

Other volunteers may hop in with more resources, so you may want to keep an eye on that!

On discontinuing your new medication: just to be sure, is this something you can discuss with a mental health professional?

[coolcreature]

Hi Char!

Thanks for the resources! I'll definitely read through those.

I think perhaps I wasn't clear about the new medication, I'm not planning on discontinuing it. I just started it so I'm just unsure if it'll be a long term thing or if it won't be helpful. I do have a psychiatrist and therapist I am working with for my meds.

[mikky]

Hey coolcreature,
Another resource I am really enjoying right now is Bang!: Masturbation for People of All Genders and Abilities. I was able to find the first edition as an ebook from my library! I like how user-friendly and accessible it is.

[coolcreature]

Hi Mikky!

That looks like a great book, and one of my local libraries has it too! I'll definitely check it out. Thanks!