Orgasming?

[Uvtfjy]

I’ve made a post before that was pretty similar but just thought I’d ask again. I’m ftm if it matters. I masturbate most days but never orgasmed as far as I know. I’ve got a few different methods but inevitably the pleasant building sensation goes away without really getting to the climax and it gets to be just too sensitive/uncomfortable and I feel done/tired. Kind of a non-issue ig since I’m fine as is but asking to see if anyone has advice about this. (I know with this kind of stuff the solution usually just ends up being ‘be patient and experiment’ but yk just curious.)

[Latha]

Hello Uvtfjy!

It's okay to be curious! I know we do say to be patient and experiment--it really does help--but we can still have a conversation about how you might approach thinking about orgasms and masturbation, and see if we can think of anything that you could try.

If it is alright, I have a few questions for you:

• Are you usually focused only on your genitals, or on one part of your genitals? Have you tried exploring other erogenous zones on your body?

• Are you usually very aroused by the time you start masturbating? Or, does arousal come after stimulation for you?

• What goes on in you mind as you start masturbating, and as you get to the point where you stop feeling good? Do you feel very absorbed in the sensations you are feeling, or in a fantasy?

[Uvtfjy]

Hi, thanks for the reply!

Generally I am just focussed on my genitals, yes, although I usually “last longer” by stimulating multiple parts. I am usually somewhat to very aroused before masturbating (don’t get too much arousal out of masturbation itself, I listen to/watch videos of my particular kink before/during). Mostly I’m pretty absorbed in the sensation since it does feel like I’m getting to a climax which then sorta goes away.

[Latha]

You're always welcome, Uvtfjy! And thank you for answering my questions! I do have some more.

• Would you say that you enjoy sessions more when you last longer, or is it not so?

• Would you say you've noticed any feelings of gender affirmation or dysphoria while you masturbate? How do you feel afterwards?

don’t get too much arousal out of masturbation itself, I listen to/watch videos of my particular kink before/during

• By this, do you mean that having a specific fantasy in mind/engaging with sexual media helps you feel aroused, and that starting masturbation without those things would make it difficult to get in the mood? Or is it that the physical sensations of masturbation don't contribute much to the pleasure and interest you feel throughout a session? (Let me know if that isn't a clear question.)

[Uvtfjy]

I’d say I probably do enjoy it more if it lasts longer, since it feels like I’m getting more out of it.
I don’t really get many gender-related feelings during/after masturbation although it is sort of nice to really feel like a teenage boy haha.
Yes generally I’m only aroused by watching/listening to videos, although recently I have started being a little aroused by thinking about the physical sensations? But mostly it’s through media and I’ve found it pretty hard to get anywhere without using that. Physical sensations definitely do contribute to the pleasure & interest!

[Sofi]

Hi Uvtfjy, hope it's okay that I chime in!

What Latha was trying to gauge is how aroused you are during masturbation and if you're mentally relaxed and in the right headspace or not, since as you know, that is key. I know you were asking to see if there's more to it than just being in the right mood but there isn't really much more, and most people who can't orgasm do just need to, as you said, be patient and experiment. I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear, but the good news is, you're far from alone on this and it's a really common issue people have that they're able to turn around.

The pressure of orgasm is only hurting you here, so the best advice is to continue doing the things that feel good and engaging with the sexual media that helps you get and stay aroused, and just enjoy it without thinking about orgasm. After all, orgasm is often hyped up to be something it's not, and sometimes people have already experienced it but don't realize it because they're expecting something else. So taking the focus away from that, and back to just whether you're experiencing pleasure or not, can really go a long way.

We have a great advice column written by our director that has some info I think could be helpful for you. Let me know your thoughts or if you have any specific questions from it!
Feeling pain or feeling nothing at all = my experience of sex.