Girl thinks she's pregnant, what am I supposed to do?

[rodi]

Dad isn't always depressed, only in extreme cases, like now. I can't control how he'll react, but I can control what I do and I got here on my own. He puts so much effort, despite all he went through, I don't get to put him through this.

What can I do should I become a father? I've wanted kids, but like in 10 to 20 years, not 2026. I have zero experience with kids other than babysitting my little brother and cousin. When I was born, my grandparents handled most things, but dad was one year younger than I'm not and he was dealing with all the stuff the woman who gave birth to me did to him, he did stuff on his own, my grandparents just never asked him and also the made sure she'd never be around us anymore. My dad would help as much as he could, i know that, but the baby's mother's family hates me and well it's my fault now, so it's unfair to push dad to do all my part and with my little brother, dad married his mom, even if she doesn't help at all, he has babysitters that do help, but dad doesn't like the idea of babysitters or any unrelated adults specially women around us so he'd overload himself again. Dad also had another children between me and my little brother, but he's from another continent altogether and his mother never wanted much to do with dad and she married another guy, but dad had him when he was an adult and he's still anxious about that. All three models don't apply to me. The rest of my family like grandparents and uncle all had stable relationships before having kids and have good partners and were full adults.

Should i seek a relationship with the baby mom? I really don't want to, but if i am the father and have the baby, i want to be in his or her life, I think, i don't know what it means.

I just asked him what would i need to do again, he said i shouldn't focus on that right at this instant.

[Heather]

I disagree that you got here on your own. No one 15 gets anywhere on their own like this, truly. But we can save that talk for another time. Regardless, your dad chose to be your primary parent, so I really need to ask you to remember that even if how you came about wasn't a choice for him, his choice to be your parent was. Holding a parent to that responsibility ios not only okay, it's appropriate. <3

I want to try and give this conversation about what you want a bit of a framework, because I imagine trying to do it in an open-ended way is pretty daunting. Let's try starting with a few questions, okay?

1) If she does stay pregnant and deliver, and it is an option for you, do you think you might want to parent this child at all and otherwise do things beyond anything that might be legally mandated for you? It might be helpful to think about things like how you might feel knowing there was a biological kind of yours out and about in the world, and what kind of relationship you might envision having with them.
2) These days, separate from this, what have you been thinking about for your future: for the rest of high/secondary school, and after, just as a place to start? In a nutshell, what kind of life have you been thinking about making for yourself, if you have?
3) What kind of relationship might you want or be winning to have with her, again, beyond anything that might be legally mandated. Obviously, what she does and doesn't want also will play a big part, but can you see yourselves as at least friends, maybe even people who can share parenting between you in a friendly way?

[Heather]

I did want to make sure I didn't forget to mention the assault from her brother. I hear you, that you didn't feel unsafe because you are bigger than him, but I want to make clear that just like it isn't okay for her to scream at you or you to accuse her of things, it isn't okay for anyone to be assaulting anyone else. Unfortunately, it seems like between your family system and hers, there is a whole lot of history when it comes to dysfunction and people having challenges managing their feelings.

[rodi]

She redid the blood test, she now has more of the pregnant stuff in her blood. There's an ultrasound scheduled, it's getting more and more likely, though there's still the need for the paternity test. It's getting more real each day, going to talk to the therapist today and I don't know.

I don't know how to answer the first question, if it's my baby, I want to be in their life, i mean, it's my baby right? I had a dream and it was a girl and I was holding her, but I don't know what can I even do. Dad loved and cared for me and it was much harder for him, what if I'm just not any good for being a dad?
I also don't know that, before I thought i was going to college, i hadn't even decided on anything yet. I just got to high school this year, as a kid i wanted to be a professional athlete of some sort, but chances are slim, I'm good in BJJ but not career good, then i started taking gym serious and bodybuilding, then moved to strength training, and i'm good just not world class. I was thinking about going to college somewhere, I was hoping to travel the world a bit, I only ever go on vacations with family, I wanted to go on my own. Get a job that doesn't interfere around my sports stuff too much. I might have a baby on the way and zero plans for the future.
I don't want to be romantically with her, we are just not compatible, she's not the kind of girl I date, she's not even ugly, but we have different vibes, this all is happening is just because she lives very close and she was easy, this year wasn't the first time we had sex, it was just the first time this year, when i was dating my first girlfriend she didn't want to have sex and i was disappointed, so we broke up, then she started it and it's not like I would say no, that was like a long time ago, late 2024 early 2025, I even tried to see if i could make it a relationship but her parents are too anti me back then they got really angry at dad because they thought she was getting too close to me and it just didn't work at all, if she hadn't literally thrown herself at me I wouldn't have gone after her. All she talked, before this, was how her parents don't let her do this or that, which makes no sense considering she's willing to have a baby, that's a lot more restrictions for a lot logner. I can be friendly towards her, but i don't see us marrying if that was possible.
I was even talking to a girl at school, though i`M not even sure how it'd possible ever work now that I might have a baby on the way, I can't even tell people. I don't know if I'll ever be able to date, her or anyone else. Now it makes so much sense why dad was hopping from girl to girl when I was a child, it's just hard to make it work.

So, I could see myself wanting to take care of the baby, if it's mine, but I don't know how to do that and I don't want to live with her mother.

For her brother, it wasn't assault, today he said we are going out saturday to talk. I'm not going, obviously.

[KierC]

Hey rodi,

I’m glad to hear she’s getting an ultrasound and continuing the medical care side of things, but I’m so sorry this is continuing to be a stressful situation for you. I’m hopeful that talking to the therapist today will help lift some weight off your shoulders. How are you feeling about the appointment?

Dad loved and cared for me and it was much harder for him, what if I'm just not any good for being a dad?

I hear your concern seeing how he was as a parent and comparing that to how you’ll be as a parent, but you truly will be a different parent because you’re a different person. I realize you look up to him a lot! But ultimately you’re also your own person who can choose the type of parent you want to be. If there are things you’d do different from your father, you can absolutely choose to do things differently in your own role as a parent. Are there certain things you’re worried about doing similarly to him in parenting, or things you want to do similarly?

I might have a baby on the way and zero plans for the future.

Regarding your future and the things you want to accomplish and see in your life: You can still do these things! Going to school is still possible when you have a child, so is pursuing a career and traveling with your family. You can make this happen! I know it’s really overwhelming and not what you anticipated for yourself right now, but you can still work through this and create a life that you enjoy (this is kind of like the idea of “bloom where you’re planted.” Have you heard of that phrase?)

I don't want to be romantically with her, we are just not compatible,

It’s okay to not want to be with her romantically, marry her, or even live with her. You don’t have to do any of those things in order to coparent. Many, many people coparent while living separately! It’s also okay not to know yet how to take care of a baby. Nobody knows this stuff until they’re taught or experience it, so you’re not alone there. I think a lot of first-time parents feel similarly, but you can absolutely learn and be a nurturing and caring parent.

Last note for now: I’m glad you’re not going to see the brother, as we don’t want you to be in an unsafe situation with him. I’m so sorry to hear about what he did to you. What you’ve described the brother doing to you does meet the definition of assault. Assault is defined as any act intentionally done to cause harm or unwanted physical contact to another person. How does hearing that land with you?

[rodi]

Hi KierC,

Talked to the therapist today, dont know if its doing anything, but Im trying to cooperate.

Im worried because, if this baby is born and is mine, it will have a father who isnt as good was my dad or granddad are and thats unfair, I don't know if Im willing to go through the sacrifices dad made to be as amazing as he is.

I know you can do stuff, I have dads exampleand he was going through a lot more. The stuff I was talking about was the things dad couldnt do, like traveling to another country spend a few months and not worry about what is at home. I know that sound small and I brought it on myself, but it was what I wanted to do. Ill just have to find other stuff I want to do.

Im scared of coparenting, before my dad married my baby brothers mother it was a mess, it stressed everyone out and was very complicated, one time she just dropped my little brother with dad and went no contact for nearly two months, what if it happens to me? And Ill be forever stuck to her even if we dont have relationship, its not like Id be able to live that far away from her if I would want any access to my child, what if she marries some dude and they decide to move to another place? I myself have a sibling I have barely any contact due to distance and uncooperative mother, itll just be so much simpler if this child isnt mine.

Dont woirry im fine, its not like Ronald stabbed me in a mcdonalds or anything, hes just a weirdo, sorry i mentioned that i was just frustrated on how advensarial her family is, didnt mean to make it sound like he beat me up, i wouldnt let that happen.

[Heather]

Hey, rodi: I'm so sorry that you have been eating so long for a response to this last post. I am leaving a note for the team now about it.

Unfortunately, I haven't been here since around the time you posted this and still won't for at least a couple days more because I my eldest dog, and earnest best friend, is in end of life, and I need to euthanize him tomorrow morning. I was just coming in to let you know that if you didn't hear from me for a little while, that's why, not because you have done anything wrong or because you don't deserve help and engagement.

I hope you can also have some helpful conversation with other people in the meantime, and when I'm able to work again, please know I'll check in on you first thing. You've been in my thoughts and I hope you're doing okay.

[Sofi]

Hi rodi. I'm caught up on your posts so I wanted to jump in again and talk about some of your concerns. It sounds like you're still super worried about not being a good parent, and I understand that, but I think you're really not doing yourself any favors by thinking you can't be as good of a dad as yours or your grandpa was. First of all, you're not any less of a person as they are, so there's no reason you couldn't be as good or even better of a father. And also, to be honest, lots of parents feel scared that they're gonna be bad parents before their baby is born - even people who planned and got pregnant on purpose. It's normal to feel this way, so I'm not saying your feelings are wrong. I just want you to consider that you get to decide what kind of father you are, and there's no reason you couldn't be a great one. What makes you think you'd be a bad one? Is it just because you're not ready and didn't want this to happen at this time?

Co-parenting can seem super scary, and unfortunately for some parents it can have a lot of ups and downs, as you witnessed with your father and your brother's mom. The thing is, that's not the fault of co-parenting, but of one or both parents involved. While you can't control whether, for example as you mentioned, your baby's mother decides to take months off parenting... you can control how you parent, and how you react to those situations. Many folks co-parent just fine, because they're able to communicate and work together, so it's not something to be scared of. However, your dynamic with your baby's mom is what matters here, and that could create issues whether you're together or not. So I think it's a good idea to focus on respecting her and treating her with kindness. This can start with things like not calling her "easy", since that's not a respectful way to refer to any girls or women. The term is only used for women, btw, despite sex requiring two people, so under the assumption that she's "easy", you would have to say you are too, since you both had sex with each other. That makes you realize that's not fair, right?

Regarding her brother, I understand that to you it's not a big deal, as many boys deal with problems in a physical way and you consider him to be weak. While that's not a nice way to talk about him either, including calling him a virgin in a derogatory way, it's still not okay for him to hit you anywhere in any way. It's unfortunate that society has normalized violence as a way to handle issues, because it's really not cool to kick someone in the balls as a way to show them you're mad at them. So we're not asking you to see yourself as a victim, but we just wanted you to know that's technically assault and you shouldn't have to deal with that, because you don't deserve it. I'm proud of you for not hitting him back and also for not going to meet him. It's best to just drop it and let it go rather than escalate the problem. Just know that we've got your back and don't think what happened is okay in any way. <3

[rodi]

hi heather, i'm sorry for your dog, please don't keep me in mind while you're dealing with that, i hope you are healing after your loss

hi sofi, i know my limits, physical and mental, i'm always training to push them, but a child is something else, i'm just too young, and i've been talking to a therapist, she thinks i need to stop jumping to conclusions, but i am honest to myself, the way i got herei s proof, i can learn of course, but a child doesnt deserve to be a learning tool, they need a parent who is ready from the get go

i didn't mean to say she was easy like that i just meant, i didn't have to do much, like i did with my ex girlfriends, she was just willing before i was, itwas not to be disrespectful of her, i dont even know what is going on anymore, it's feeling more real, like something i will have to deal with, but also it feels strange, i go to school and then i get out to think about how i'll coparent later this year, i really hope this child isn't mine when they do the test, it'll be the best for everyone

her brother hasnt bothered me since, though i haven't left home other than school since easter holidays
f
things keeps] happening, she had her ultrasound there's something in her and they told me that the timing matches even though th count two weeks more for some reason,

dad told me yesterday also i am getting a new sibling too, really bad timing, so he's now really depressed, grandpa got a therapist to come here at home to help him, to him this is like a horror movie, they haven't even announce it to her paerntsyet, dad hadnt even tol d me hewas trying

i made everything worse for everyone, even my little brother is upset because everyone is so stressed, at least not twins i guess

[KierC]

Hey Rodi <3

I’ll be sure to send your kind words to Heather <3

First, I’m really feeling for you with this news about your dad expecting another baby. It sounds like it’s a stressful time in your household, but please know these conditions are not your fault. I know this can be hard to hear, but you’re not responsible for your dad’s depression, it’s not your fault. Same goes for his own reproductive choices.

How are you holding up with the news from your dad? How do you feel about the new baby coming in?

I’m glad you’ve been speaking with a therapist. They’re right, it’s not fair to yourself to jump to the conclusion that you’d be a bad parent. As Sofi and Heather said, you can choose to be the kind of father you want to be. You finding yourself in this situation is not indicative of you not being able to parent, truly. You didn’t get into this situation all on your own, there’s so many other factors in play than just you (lack of sex ed being a big one!). I know that can make things feel really out of control, and I wish it were different. But one of the things you *do* have control over is what kind of parent you’ll be. You’ll choose what kind of parent you are each day, through the decisions you make given the choices you have. You can do this, even when it’s hard.

I’ll say, too, parents who are really bad don’t tend to be this concerned about parenting. To me, it sounds like you already care a great deal, and that tells me that you’re set up to be caring toward your child too. How does hearing that make you feel?

[rodi]

If i hadn't maybe gotten a girl pregnant, this all would have been received much better, i love my little brother, i will love a new baby just as well, but now i'm overloadign my dad and consequently with the rest of my family, dad's a grown man, he's married, he can handle a child, we have a home, we are not lackign in money, if it was just a new sibling things would be as close to perfect as possible, the problem is that i fcuked up, and it's my fault, i had sex ed, i chose to not use it, so it's my fault, and it goes back, i only exist because of the reasons dad has those issues, now i'm triggering them

the only way out is hope this baby isn't mine

[Sofi]

It sounds like you're blaming yourself for your dad's mental health, which is really not something you need to be worrying about. He's an adult and he's responsible for his own mental wellbeing, as Kier said. I know you love him and he loves you, but he's your father and he's made the decisions that led to him having another baby, regardless of what's going on with your life. If your dad's past trauma is getting triggered, that's something he needs to work through, but it isn't your responsibility to fix it for him nor it's your fault he has this trauma to begin with. Putting so much of this on yourself will only lead to guilt and probably even resentment. It's also really unfair to expect a 15 year old to not make any mistakes as to not trigger his dad, who is choosing to be a parent for a third time (whether the pregnancy was purposeful or not, he made the choices he made that led him here, just like you did, except he's an adult). I'm not saying your dad is a bad guy or anything, I'm just saying he is responsible for his own wellbeing, and I really don't want you to keep burdening yourself with it.

It also sounds to me like you're spiraling a bit here with all this, which I understand, because it's big news. But I want to circle back to our suggestion from last week of finding a way to distract yourself by engaging in hobbies or activities you enjoy. It won't do you any good to sit here and continue wishing the baby isn't yours, because that won't change the outcome or the reality, it'll just add more stress to your plate. What are some ways you can relax or have fun when you feel yourself starting to spiral about this? Perhaps sports or some other exercise, or a game you enjoy? Also, have you been hanging out with your friends lately? I know it's a bit awkward since you have this secret you can't tell them about yet, but it still might be good to keep hanging out with them so you're around people you can just be your teenage self with and not worry about all this for a bit.

[rodi]

It's different for me, i have to expect more from me and do even more.

Dad stopped going to the gym last week and so did i, i just got back from school, haven't been out much, my friends come visit me, but i haven't gone out with them, walk the dog, but i'm just waiting for the test and then the result, it's an expensive test too and can only be done in a few weeks from now, so i'm just waiting.

How can i be more supportive of her?

[KierC]

Hey rodi,

What makes you think you’re different or under a different set of expectations? I hear you putting a lot of pressure on yourself, but as Sofi said, that really isn’t fair to you or helpful to you as you work through this.

I’m glad your friends are visiting you. I agree with Sofi that it’s important to go out and do things you enjoy. How about planning an outing with your friends?

Before we talk about how to support her more, remind me where things left off with her communication-wise? The best way to find out how to support her is to ask her, but if you’re not speaking right now, the best thing you can do is continue to take care of your mental wellbeing (which is an important thing to do regardless).

[rodi]

Cause i i always got to be on top, be my best, that's just what i want to be, but also i need to offset what the woman who gave birth to me did, but not in an unhealthy way, just a personal thing

I'm not in the mood to leave home for a few days, maybe after the paternity test results bu that's weeks away

We aren't speaking normally yet, i see her sometimes in the public areas of the building but that's it, but i've been avoiding those too cause somehow the whole building knows what happened and people look at me weird, few times we spoke it was awkward cause she was expecting me to do something and i don't know what it is, but most that i know about her is through my dad dealing with her parents and her, but my mental wellbeing is well, she looks a lot more stressed than me

[Heather]

Hey, rodi. I appreciate what you said about my loss, thank you. I was just here briefly and wanted to pop in and check in on you.

I really hope that you can start to find a balance between taking responsibility for yourself and taking ALL the responsibility, including for people, their feelings, and other things you simply aren't responsible for. For example, the extra stress on your Dad's plate now that his wife is also expecting isn't on you, even if what's happening with you added to his stress. I want to remind you that while it sounds like the sex that got you here wasn't your father's choice, that it sounds like he made choices after that, including to be your parent, and parenting is often full of a world of things we don't expect -- things like kids getting chronic illness or disabilities, mental illness, making common mistakes like you did, or things like crimes, as a few examples -- but that's part of what parents sign up for when they decide to parent: anything and everything that can happen, not just the good stuff or the easy stuff. I deeply hope the adults in your lifer are also saying things like this to you, making clear what you are and aren't responsible for, but if, for whatever reason, they're not, I hope you can have some faith in what we've been saying here. Yes, you bear responsibility for things like choosing to have sex and choosing to forgo a condom or another reliable method of contraception, for your reactions to everything that has happened, and for your own choices and actions from here on out. But you are NOT responsible for some of the other things you keep saying are your fault, very much including your parent's mental health or their choices.

It might be asking you think think further ahead than you can, but you know, whether it happens sooner or much later in life, you may be a parent yourself soon, and it might help to think about how you'd want your kid to feel in this kind of situation. My hope is that you'd want them to feel safe and supported, you'd want them to get help and guidance from you within your capacity, but that you also would want to do all you could to manage your own feelings so that still-very-young 15-year-old them didn't feel like on top of everything else they were dealing with in a moment like this, they also were shouldering your feelings, upset and stress. I'd hope that you'd tell them, clearly, that your stress or feelings were yours, not theirs. <3

I get not feeling up to going out at any point as you're going through this. Is there anything you can think of that you can do for yourself to help you offload some of your stress and worry inside? Maybe that looks likenlistening to music you love or getting lost in a video game or calling a friend?

[rodi]

I know what you're saying, but it's different, dad has that, blaming himself for actions of others, so i know what it feels like, but i don't blame myself for the action others, only the results of my actions. I didn't directly cause the trauma he went thorugh, that's not my fault, but when i do things that i know maybe wil ltrigger that, that's my fault, that's the distinction . it's my fault if i make things worse, even if its not my fault for the original issue, i am responsible for some of the consequences.

they say it's not my fault for what happened to dad, they even hid it from me i had to piece it out, dad that says i'm the best thing from bad times, they all say things, but they can love me and i can still make mistakes. I'm not even the kind of guy who worries too much about it, but it's not like i have much of a choice.

I'm not too stressed, just need to wait for the test and be free from this, just a few more weeks.

[Heather]

but when i do things that i know maybe will trigger that, that's my fault, that's the distinction .

I just want to tell you that I disagree with this. And it may be that you and I just won't agree on this, but as someone who themselves has PTSD from several kinds of trauma, including violent sexual assault, that can be activated by any number of things, I absolutely do not think that it is usually the fault of anyone who does things that activate it, nor their responsibility. I most certainly would not think someone is responsible for activating anything from my trauma who does so by making a mistake.

I don't think you help yourself by taking more responsibility than is actually yours: it sounds like you may soon have more than enough responsibility on your plate, and adding needlessly to that pile is only going to make it much harder for you to manage the responsibilities that actually are yours, and leave you feeling anything but really overwhelmed. <3

Again, if we disagree about this, well, we do, but I hope you'll at least consider what I am saying and try to take it to heart.

[rodi]

I talked to the therapist last yesterday, she thinks I'm good at recognizing bad thoughts and not letting them linger, but I need to do it more often because I switch fast from thinking about doom and other stuff, don't know if I agree but its a professional and me.

I didn't really sleep last night, kept thinking about many things, searching about the topic online, even thought about taking one of dad's anti-anxiety pills just to see but I don't think they'd work on me cause i'm not anxious and that'd be stupid and hed not be happy at all, just worried about the future. I don't feel tired, my mind is clearer than ever.

Her family and my family couldn't be more different, they are very strict and they follow a religion that says the end of the world is just around the corner, but its also a lot about making money and i think there's something about mansions in heaven and they talk about how this and that is a communist and satanic. You mightk now the type, im pretty sure that type of religion comes from America. Dad doesn't mention religion much, i grew up without even bothering with it. His wife is a christian, but only in name, her church different and she never goes there anyways, i think it's lutheran, last time was to get my brotehr baptized and it was very calm, my dad's uncle was chosen to be the godfather and he had face tattoos and no one batted an eye. He was from grandma's side of the family, her little brother, but everyone in my family has tattoos, specially on grandpa's side, dad just finished hsi sleeve last year, her family thinks tattoos are from the devil. Dad has this clover tattoo in his hand and he said he travels to the US he covers it because people think its a bad symbol there. She hates her family but the baby will be exposed to both anyways, will have lots of conflict.

I tried to shave today, i can't grow a real beard yet, not even a goatee, just patchy hair and i managed to slice my face all over, full of nicks and those small razor cuts take so long to stop bleeding, everyone at school know thee's something weird going on with me, she doesn't go to my school, my ex girlfriend will avoid me and tld everyone i'm a cheater, people don't care anymore. but my beard doesn't match my hair, its reddish, dad's the same, grandpa has a black beard and hair, but she's redheaded, it's not common here there's like a dozen kids in my whole school who are redheads and they get made fun of, my baby might be redheaded and i don't want them to be made fun of.

i've been watching some videos on the matter too, about being a dad, there'sa lot of focus on making money, supporting the mother and even preparing to the motehr not wanting you aroudn and having to fight to be in the child's life, which doen't make much sense to me, i'm 15, i tried searching for specific teenage dad stuff, but it's surprisignly difficult to find, in german, portuguese or english, its always the same things and nothing too practical for me, when its not jsut a reality show turning it into something for drama. i had a teen dad at home, but it was difffernet, he had my grandparents too, we didn't live by ourselves until he was in his 20s, after he had stuff and a home and always had my grandparents looking after him, they still do, dad had a drinking problem, my grandparents would only let me move with him if he stopped so he did, and they wuld help me too, dad, grandparents, but it's unfair, oru situation isn't the same, dad was a victim, dad deserved helped, i was stupid, i got myself into this, i have to put myself in a position i can handle this, even though dad keeps talking that i need to focus on school, that things will be done in their time. He grew up a lot compared to when i remember, maybe ci could grow too, faster, since i don't have the baggage of what happened to him. also the stuff i was watching was mostly towards olderr guys, like 17 or 18, there's a big difference. i saw a video about a paternity test and there was this boy marcell he was 16 and had two kids, but it was one of these shows that exploit teenagers ggoing through this. That or just loads and loads of podcasters talking about how i need to be a rugged manly man and political talk or inspirational tiktok that doen't really offer antyhing of use.

I tried getting books, but couldn't find many to someone in my position, i feel like no one thinks we can read, we are stupid deadbeats and shit, i found this psychologist called Andreas Eickhorst who did an inteview with a german tabloid about teen dads andso i googled his name he works with the german youth institute and thought maybe he had something on the matter, coudn't find so this book called the father's handbook, i tried reading it cause my friend let me have some of his adhd medicine but it was noy useful at all, words and words and nothing for my case, i don't even think i can remember anything. I read that most teen pregnancies are between a teenage girl and an older guy so there's not much focus on teenage dads, but twice in a roll in my family. Dad understands more than most so i have support in that and the therapist has experience on teenage parents unless it was a lie in the resume, so i have it easier than most, i have supportive family, don't hve to worry about getting a job soon, but htat's not me, i can't let people take on for my mistakes.

I did try to play a game, i was never much of a gamer or anything, dad built this pc for me but i underutilize it, i miss going to the gym, we have a home gym but it's not the same, i was too restless to play video games, to watch anything and actually pay attention, tried playing minecraft with my little brotehr but he's too little and i'm too dispersed, so i've spent most of the time just thinking about what will happen. i feel like i'm talking nonsense.

---------one thign i thought is that men have been having kids and not thinking about it for forever, i don't think i'm wried like that, maybe it's something you can learn, have you ever dealt with other guys in my sitaution? did it go well? i feel like it's mostly girls, boys dn't care so mcuh about this stuff maybe i'm weird, but i did come here hoping someone could magic away my mistakes.

[rodi]

Please ignore the previous post i don't know how to edit it, I took a nap and realized I was rambling and not being very coherent

I just wanted to say I tried to look for stuff for people in my situation and there doesn't seem to be many that are helpful. I don't know how to deal with being a dad at my age and what i can realistically do without throwing the responsibility at my family nor I know how to deal with the baby mom's family who are difficult to deal with, anyone knows anything?

[KierC]

Hey rodi

I realize there’s a lot going on with both the baby, the family, the mom, along with figuring out how to parent. But I think it’ll be most helpful to focus on one thing at a time. Know what I mean?

We can certainly help you with some helpful resources for young parents!

Here’s a great website to start with: Navigating the Fatherhood Lane: A Driver’s Guide for Young Dads

I’m also wondering if you’d find it comforting or helpful to connect with other folks who were teen or young dads? Heather left a note to let you know they can reach out to their networks and see if we can get you in contact with other folks like this, if you’d like. <3

[rodi]

Hi kierc I think that link is broken, I can't access it.

I'd like to talk to guys who went through this who aren't my dad.

[KierC]

Hi! So sorry about that. Did you try opening it with a different browser or device? If those don’t work, I’d be happy to email it to you as well.

[rodi]

It worked, thanks, i'll read it.

[KierC]

Perfect! Let me know how that was for you reading it, if you have any questions or want some more resources after that. We’re all here for you, Rodi. <3

How have things been going? Have you seen your friends at all?