The Hyper-sexualization of Black people and Lesbians

[blanketlover]

Hello Scarleteen! I wanted to talk about something that I find intrestinf but has affected me as well in some ways
I think that sometimes my blackness controls how I feels my sexuality a lot as well as probably being a lesbian. In a lot of film and media black people and lesbians are often hypersexualized a lot. I feel like for mostly black people they are also seen as predatory and as rapists especially towards white people and this racists depiction has made me feel insecure and scared of my own blackness even making me feel upset when having crushes towards white girls and girls with pale skin in general so it could be even more of a colorist thing. An example of this is in "Blakkklansman" where in one scene with a bunch of white supremacist falsely accusing a group of black men sexually abusing a white woman. They said things along the words of the black men "preying on her pure white body" and it made me uncomfortable but also made me think quite a lot about how black people are portrayed when it comes to their sexuality .About lesbians I have seen a lot of people critique media about lesbians mostly them being hypersexualized a lot and also being seen as predatory in some cases. I haven't (and probably never will) have watched content were lesbians are hypersexualized and are made for the male gaze but it has as well had an effect on me on the way most media portrays them. I wish there was better and nicer lesbian representation. I know that being a teenager these ideas can really get into my head about black people and gay people's sexuality is portrayed in media and it hurts me a lot. Could you help me find ways into trying to find peace in my sexuality without these terrible stereotypes. Also, do you think that purity culture could have relations the white supremacy as well?

[Heather]

Hey there, blanketlover. These are really important observations, and I appreciate you bringing them here.

Before I say anything else, particularly since I'm a white person, I want to refer you to some great Black writers and thinkers on these themes so you can see if their work speaks to you and helps you in this process.

Dr. Mireille Miller-Young: https://www.mireillemilleryoung.com/ Such a genius, and I have heard her talk on some of what you're bringing up here, and think you'll find a lot of value in her work

bell hooks: https://www.yesmagazine.org/opinion/202 ... -with-love Where to begin with bell hooks? I just think she's amazing. This talk might be a good place to start with: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJk0hNROvzs but I'd also suggest reading some of her books

Audre Lorde: Audre Lorde's work with sexuality (she was also an incredible poet, even though many people know her more for her theory work) primarily focused on Blackness, women and queerness. If you don't know her or have never read this, this is absolutely where I'd say to start: https://fredandfar.com/blogs/ff-blog/th ... O-1DO1IIXL

adrienne maree brown: she is also contemporary like Dr. Mireille Miller-Young, still living and working. I think her book Pleasure Activism might be something you appreciate.

Ev'Yan Whitney: https://www.evyanwhitney.com/blog/tag/black+women Another contemporary writer and thinker, who does great work around Blackness and pleasure, and has a book that is a really gentle, rich guide to seeking out and centering your own pleasure, so might be particularly good for you in this.

That shared, you're right, of course, and sadly. Black people have long been hypersexualized in white culture, and it was a major fixture in slavery. I also agree with you that Black lesbians and Black men are often portrayed as predatory, even though we know statistically, the group with the most sexual predation is and has long been white cishet men.

I absolutely think that purity culture and white supremacy are linked. Of course, similar attitudes exist outside white culture, which is why things like FGM have long existed and still do, but I feel like white supremacy gives all of these kinds of beliefs a level of gas that they wouldn't have without it, you know?

I think it's really good that it seems like it's pretty easy for you to identify when the basis of these attitudes is bias and bigotry, not fact: that makes unlearning them and finding your peace with your own sexuality much easier than it would be if you thought they were legit, so figure you already have a good start there.

Are you familiar with any of the people I mentioned? Can you think of any role models for you in this journey you might look to? I can't speak for you, but when I'm going through something like this, I really like to find myself some guides that resonate with me. <3

[blanketlover]

Thanks for the amazing links! Some of the people you mentioned I know about such as Audre Lorde which I have read her "Uses of the Erotic" which was an amazing read as well as Bell Hooks where I watched her episode on "Speaking Freely" where she touched on how censorship affects on how we can learn about the injustices around us. The others I hadn't heard about really, but I would love to get into them! I can see both Audre Lorde and Bell Hooks being role models for me a lot. It can be a bit anxiety inducing when talking about these things you know. Would be appropriate as a teenager to know and talk about these things? I'm just scared I will get bad ideas inside my head.

[Becky]

Hey blanketlover!

Hope it's ok that I'm jumping in here. I think it's very appropriate for you as a teenager to learn and talk about these things. These portrayals affect you too. And being able to understand that the ways Black and Queer people have been stereotyped in media reinforce and uphold the systemic violence these groups already face is useful knowledge for navigating a society that upholds white supremacy, patriarchy, and purity culture (as you so aptly noted.)

What kind of "bad ideas" getting into your head are you worried about?

[blanketlover]

Hello again. I think I should know about these problems affect how we represent Black and queer woman's sexuality. I don't think know exactly what I mean as in "bad ideas" but maybe because I find them overwhelming or upsetting sometimes as well as maybe getting the wrong ideas such places as my sexuality as a black girl. I have said in my first topics about how I struggled with sexual shame a lot so I thought that if I could learn more about sexuality in history or learning about sexuality in depth could help me understand learn about my sexuality better but it still can be very scary too.

I guess I'm scared about what other would think especially in my family and peers of me having interest in sexuality. I am also on the spectrum which where these topics could be overwhelming and uncomfortable. I have just been worried about what topics about sexuality are appropriate for me, with me being exposed to the wrong content related to sexuality at a young age. Would you say that there are appropriate topics about sexuality for me as a teenager or otherwise?

[lilikoi]

Hi blanketlover,

So happy you are bringing up this topic for others to engage with and to explore yourself! You are asking really interesting questions.

On the topic of appropriate content, the most important component to consider is that information is accurate. Receiving misinformation about a vulnerable topic like sexuality or sex could lead to shame or unsafe practices. But, once you have found a source that's reliable, I would not say there is a standard for inappropriate content. Rather, I encourage users to gauge what is comfortable for them based on their natural curiosity. The timing for each person is going to be different.

If you are finding topics overwhelming, that might be a sign that it is a topic you are not ready for or it's being presented in a way that you are not comfortable with. You might try to follow your natural curiosity to another reliable source and see if the different approach feels less overwhelming for you. If it still overwhelms you, you do not need to engage with the topic. Are there topics that are particularly scary or overwhelming for you?

I want to add that my perspective comes from the point of view of a sexual health educator. My main goal is to promote happy and healthy relationships between people and sex. Unfortunately, this perspective and goal is not shared by everyone. Like you mention, our culture is influenced by white supremacy and patriarchy. The main goal there is to oppress people and keep them from expressing themselves. People who have bought into that point of view may not realize that they are restricting self-expression which also restricts happiness. They might not understand how diverse healthy relationships can be.

What kind of conversations about sexuality have you had with your family and peers? Is there someone who has shown similar curosity or critiques to the topics you are thinking about?

[blanketlover]

Thank you for giving me that clearance on appropriate content! I understand a lot more now in what's considered appropriate when it comes to sex and sexuality. I also thank you on the "feeling uncomfortable with topics" thing as well too.

When it comes to topics I'm uncomfortable with it's usually things on the darker aspects of sexuality such as kinks, fetishes and BDSM. I guess I also get scared when it comes to topics on sexual abuse and rape but I feel like those conversations are needed and are very important to talk about. I also tend to feel uncomfortable when it comes to topics such as pornography and sex in tv, film, and media since I sometimes get scared that I may become a porn addict even though I have never watch porn in my life but surprisingly these topics can interest me sometimes.

I think what I'm uncomfortable with the most is my natural curiosity when it comes to all these topics as well. It may be because what you said before about "receiving misinformation" or it being "unsafe".

In all honesty, when it comes to my family's conversations about sexuality they are rarely positive or to provide helpful information. The only information I have had that was helpful was about my period and that is mostly it. I would mostly would hear them talk to themselves or to us on conversations about prostitutes and talking horribly about gay people which made me feel very bad. I would sometimes even try and leave the room if any of my family members wanted to start talking bad about these people. Even with when it comes to the peers and people around me, sexuality feels rarely discussed except mostly towards adults and usually when I'm around teenagers my age they do tend to make fun of gay people and this has made me feel upset. This mostly happens because I'm from a Muslim background and tend to be around Muslims a lot. One positive to add is that I have been able to to talk to my older sister about my sexuality and my own body sometimes but it hasn't been as helpful.

And Sadly, no, I don't know anyone personally who has any interest in these topics so it can feel isolating.

[lilikoi]

I can reassure you that the curiosity you have about sex is absolutely, completely, and totally typical and expected. Here is an advice column we have that addresses this topic. We hear from tons of users that they are worried about being so naturally curious.

From the description you give of your family, it seems like it would be hard to navigate your budding curiosity. Even harder to navigate being gay. That sounds pretty isolating! I am sorry that you haven't found a friend to connect with and be open with about your thoughts. Does engaging online and with writers like bell hooks, audre lorde, etc. feel like a good way to promote your self-understanding?

I'm black and have had a journey trying to understand my sexuality and overcome my shame. Heather gave a great list for feminists powerhouses! I would add Ta-Nehisi Coates Between the World and Me and Autobiography of Malcolm X as two of my favorite books about black identity (both very male centric though)! And then I would also say that Octavia Butler's Patternist series is soooooo good for some afrofuture escapism.

To address your discomfort, I really want to reiterate that you should listen to your heart and engage with content that feels comfortable for you. The topics of sexual fetishes, BDSM, abuse, and rape are not topics that you need to educate yourself on if they make you uncomfortable. Each of those topics has a related more approachable topic which could satisfy your curiosity.

For example, kink/fetish is just a way to describe someone's unique desires. BDSM is an example of a group of desires some people gravitate towards. There is no need to explore other people's specific desire unless you are partnered with them and want to understand that person better. Instead, you could consider your own relationship to sex and think about what you are currently interested in. It could stop at fantasy or it could be something physical. It's up to you. If you want, you can see if the approach this article takes satisfies your curiosity about those subjects a bit! How to Approach Sexual Fantasy and Desire on Your Own Terms

When considering abuse/rape, these concepts are scary. There are many very legitimate reasons for anyone to avoid those topics. While I don't think everyone is at a good place to engage in those topics, the more approachable consideration for that element of sex ed is consent. Found this article as a potential way to satsify your curiosity but, again, no pressure! Driver's Ed for the Sexual Superhighway: Navigating Consent

There is this one as well which gets to more fundamental ideas about your relationship to yourself before you need to factor in consent: 10 of the Best Things You Can Do for Your Sexual Self (at Any Age)

Let us know what you think about the shifts I suggested for engaging in those topics! Also whether online engagement and written resources feel like a good way to promote your self-understanding for now!

[lilikoi]

Omg! I also just remembered we have this awesome article by a black woman about the way anti-blackness impacts love and relationships for black people.

Unlearning Unlovability

[blanketlover]

Hi. Again thank you for the writings they were really informative! I really enjoyed the "Unlearning Unlovability" and the "10 Best Things You Can Do For Your Sexual Age" articles. I also thank you for helping me realize not all subjects are things I have to learn on too. To answer your questions I do feel more connected to my self and sexual identity as well as helping my self understanding on the topics I started with as well. I think the "10 Best Things You Can Do For Your Sexual Age" had great points especially on how sexual identity shouldn't be our full identity because sometimes it feels like sex can really consume my every thought leaving no space for my other aspects of my identity. Thank you soooooo much for these! Could there be any other essays or resources I could get into?

[lilikoi]

Hi blanketlover,

I am so happy to hear that! I second all of Heather's initial suggestions. Those authors are really awesome love and pleasure thinkers. I know that Ev'Yan Whitney and adrienne maree brown both have podcasts if you're into that.

Here are a few more articles I found about the topics you are thinking about!
Impurity Culture: Surviving Virginity
Sexuality in Color Articles

[blanketlover]

thx for these articles!