Too Much Nostalgia

[Aceofhearts]

Hi there. Can't believe I'm back here again, with less than a month ago with my last post. But I feel so desperate.
For about a month or so, I reminisced a lot about my past. Specifically on how happy I was back then. And how it wasn't like the present.
For context, I graduated from elementary last year (I'm in 7th now, which is the first year for middle school in my country). And I had a hard time adjusting. A really hard time. I'm better now, I'm okay with my life, but I don't feel entirely happy. As if my life can be more than what it is.
Whenever I think about my past, I feel like there were all dreams and fantasies. And I feel sad. Feel sad with how my life is now, and sad that I never will experience it again.
Obviously, I will find happiness again someday. Those times will be a small part of my life in the long run. But the fact that I don't know when that happens, and don't know what to look forward to. It's depressing.
I think what triggers this is me realizing that my graduation was almost a year ago. It made me feel as if I wasted my time. Because graduation didn't feel like a year ago, it felt like months ago. It felt like time flew by while I was trying my best to adjust.
I don't think this is the correct place for my problem, but I just feel so desperate. Any advice or any suggestion on how or where to help this, I would greatly appreciate.

[Heather]

Hi again, AceofHearts. I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time.

I suspect all of this feels depressing because you are, in fact, depressed. The time of life you are in can be really challenging: that shift from pre-teens to teens is a major one in a lot of ways -- especially when it feels like a shift from childhood to early adulthood -- and it sounds like you're putting a lot on yourself around it. Part of what tends to make it so challenging is that there is usually a lot going on hormonally, and that can trigger depression for a lot of people.

What's your access to healthcare like, in particular, mental healthcare? It sounds to me like you could really benefit from checking in with a mental healthcare provider and get some ongoing help. <3

[Aceofhearts]

I'm not sure I have depression. Maybe my wording was a bit off, but I still feel happy with my current life at times. I still feel motivated to continue my day and doing things I like. I feel more as an emotional person than anything else.
I am open to therapy, though. There's a chance that my parents would allow me to go through therapy, but I don't think they would without a proper reason.

[Latha]

Hi there, Aceofhearts

You know, I think that having a low mood that feels hard to deal with and needing help adjusting to a life transition are proper reasons for seeking help from a therapist. Too, you don't need to feel bad all the time or lose all motivation to be depressed. It is good that you've taken note of your lowered mood when it isn't quite that serious--that is the kind of awareness that makes it easier to address any problems and feel better.

Do you feel comfortable having conversations with your parents about your emotions, or about any struggles you have? If you were to tell them that you were not feeling too good, how would they respond?

[Aceofhearts]

To be honest, I still feel a little bit confused about my emotional state right now. On one hand, I feel much better than how I was a few months ago, I feel excited for things, and a part of me doesn't want any help because I don't feel like I need more.
But on the other hand, my mood sometimes feel like "Meh" and I try to occupy myself because I feel my life is boring.
I'm a bit scared with telling my parents that I want help. Not for any particular reason, just scared that they might not understand. Do you any tips?

[Latha]

Hi Aceofhearts,

I'm glad to hear you are feeling better than you did a few months ago.

We are not here to push you into therapy if you've thought about it and decided that you don't want it. That said, you don't have to be in a lot of need to get support. Would it help to have someone who is dedicated to listening to you, so they can help you process the last year and find ways to feel better? Anyone could take this role, but a good therapist is trained to do it well, and has no other obligations or conflicts that would distract them from being there for you in the time you have together. The answer can be no, but I would recommend erring on the side of reaching out for connection instead of trying to manage your struggles all on your own. If they feel depressing and make you feel desperate at at times, they are not too small to deserve attention and support.

I'm a bit scared with telling my parents that I want help. Not for any particular reason, just scared that they might not understand. Do you any tips?

If someone doesn't listen when you reach out for help, I think your job is to keep trying until they do, or find someone who will listen. Your happiness and comfort are worth the effort.

What would you think of finding a time when your parents (or either one to start) are not busy or distracted, and asking them if they can listen to you about something important? Being upfront about the fact that you need them to take you seriously may help them do so. Then, you could tell them something along these lines: that your mood has been low for some months/a year, and that you would like their help it/with making life feel good and interesting again.

This would give them the minimum information they need to respond well, and you can choose what else to share based on what they say.