Masturbation Help: Pelvic Floor Dysfunction and Death Grip Syndrome

[Master_Classer]

So I've been masturbating to porn for 5+ years. A lot. Hours and hours on end. Usually over 10 times a day. It messed up my sleep, going to school, used up all my time, and made me feel horrible. Recently, I would like to think I've gotten a lot better and have since cut back significantly, and have implemented strategies to not fall back in. However I've been doing it wrong the whole time. I've definitely treated masturbation as a race to get to orgasm as fast as possible and find porn that will help me do that. Whether it was just because that's what i thought felt good or because i wanted to hurry it up before my parents walked in. And I know that you people are all about how "there's so many ways to masturbate" and "there's no wrong way." But I've become very unhappy with how I masturbate. I've developed pretty bad death grip syndrome that has pretty much numbed me to the normal "up and down" piston motion of sex. Sex toys don't work and I don't use lube because i wouldn't be able to get a good grip. If its not my specific fingers in a specific spot with a specific pressure, I won't feel any stimulation.

On top of that, I realized i was only able to feel any stimulation in my penis if I was clenching my pelvic floor muscle. Now I know clenching is normal when one actually does orgasm (or the so called "twitching" of the penis), but I do before and throughout the whole session as that's the only way for me to feel any stimulation. This is arguably a much bigger problem than the death grip syndrome as I've been able to orgasm with a lighter grip with the up and down motion and I can even orgasm heads free with just the pelvic floor muscle, but that's just it. I can only do it with my pelvic floor clenched. I've never had an orgasm without clenching it and unclenching it the whole session.

I think the death grip syndrome has a simple fix. All I have to do is stop watching porn and stop using the high intensity motion. Use lighter and slower stimulation and after a few weeks it should get better. I hope. If you have any more ideas, I would be glad to hear them.

The pelvic floor situation is as I said, much trickier. I've noticed things like how in the morning when y'know morning erections happen (even though mine aren't full blown erections. All my penis does is get a little bit harder and I'm more aroused) its difficult to move my body and especially my legs without clenching the pelvic floor. When I'm peeing, urine will come out just fine, but I've always clenched my pelvic floor to get out the last stream of urine. Apparently that's not normal. Its also the same as the morning erections where after I got most of the pee out its hard to move my body without automatically clenching my pelvic floor muscle to get the rest of it out of my urethra.

I have already tried looking for solutions. Some people online (and my therapist) have told me to go see a doctor and more specifically a urologist or a pelvic floor physical therapist. I've been reluctant to because I'm too embarrassed, I don't think my parents would like it, and because I don't think its such a big problem that I would need to see a doctor. I've read of people with chronic pain or trouble peeing at all or having to pee 7 times in the night. Luckily, I don't have a problem that severe, so I don't think a doctor is necessary.

I know about all the exercises that are supposed to help like reverse Kegels, certain yoga poses like dead bug or child's pose, and breathing exercise as expanding your stomach as you breath in is supposed to relax your pelvic floor.

Do I just have to do those exercises daily in tandem with trying to masturbate slowly and softly without any porn or any clenching? While also trying to manually get my pee out by pushing behind my scrotum and just trying to shake the pee out without any pelvic floor clenching? And hopefully in a few weeks or months it will get better and I won't struggle with death grip or pelvic floor dysregulation.

Again, If you have any other ideas or if you could confirm that this is what I should do then that would be a big help. All this has caused me to feel some regret and grief. Sex isn't possible for me right now and I can barely maintain an erection. I feel pathetic and broken. Its very demasculating and I feel like less of a man.

Also should i post this on other message boards on this site (like the "ask us!", "bodies" or "sex & sexuality") to get a higher likelihood of a response. This is my first post here and I don't know how it works.

[Sofi]

Hi Master_Classer, welcome to the boards. No need to post more than once per topic - we get around to posts when we're here (so, you might not hear back overnight, for example).

Since you're asking some specific questions regarding pelvic floor issues, I'm not comfortable answering yet, so I'm going to ask the team if someone else has some expertise on that. Someone else, if not myself, will get back to you by end of day tomorrow. <3

[KierC]

Hey Master_Classer, I’m here to follow up on your questions

First, I’m glad to hear that the strategies you’ve implemented have helped you get a bit of control over masturbation, but I’m sorry to hear that you’re experiencing these symptoms recently. Honestly, these questions are specific enough to warrant the advice of a urologist or pelvic floor physical therapist, so I’d recommend seeing if you can get in to see one of those folks. Is that something you’d want to do? I understand you feel a bit embarrassed about it. Do you want to talk through how you might be able to ask your parents about going?

In the meantime, I’d actually suggest refocusing how you approach masturbation. It might be helpful to go back to the beginning and just focus on what feels good, not just in your penis but in your whole body. Using a pleasure focus (focusing on what feels good, not on orgasming) may be helpful too. This might take some time and you may have a period of time where you just don’t orgasm or at least don’t masturbate in the way you have been. But, if you’re focusing on this for pleasure’s sake, it shouldn’t matter because you’ll still be learning and relearning. Know what I mean?

[Master_Classer]

When you suggested focusing on what feels good, I got a bit confused because the issue I’m struggling with is that what currently feels pleasurable is heavily tied to pelvic floor clenching and a very specific stimulation pattern that I’m trying to move away from. Moving away from this pattern will hopefully reduce pain and broaden responsiveness. In other words "what feels good" is exactly what I'm trying to avoid doing.

Because of this fast and high pressure method, lower intensity stimulation and relaxation based approaches don’t currently register as pleasurable at all, since my response is tightly conditioned to a high intensity pattern.

My current plan is this:

• Reducing reliance on high-intensity grip/speed and porn

• Stop reinforcing pelvic floor clenching during arousal

• Practicing relaxation and breathing exercises ( in general and specifically for pelvic floor) which includes yoga and stuff like glute bridges, squats, and reverse Kegels.

• Allowing time for sensitivity to potentially recalibrate

I’m not asking for a medical diagnosis, but I would appreciate any general guidance or ideas on whether my current plan is considered reasonable for breaking a conditioned pattern like this, or if there are adjustments that would make it more effective.

[mikky]

hey master_classer,
We really aren't equipped to evaluate or adjust your plan. To me, it sounds like it will likely be helpful, and none of it sounds potentially harmful, but pelvic floor PT would be able to give a much more informed perspective regarding your specific body, and do the type of muscular assessments that we just have no ability to do in this format. You don't have to be experiencing chronic pain to see a PT, or having extreme bladder overactivity. I get to my pelvic PT appointments very early due to awkward bus schedules, so I see lots of people come and go from their appointments. SO many different ages, genders, and types of people come in and out of appointments in this pelvic-PT-only space.

What we CAN help with, though, is some of the more emotional/mental stuff. You said that this has caused you to feel grief, like you are broken, and that you are less of a man. Do you want to share more about that here? Is talking about those feelings and ideas at all what you're looking for?

I'll also note that in your first post you wrote, "And I know that you people are all about how "there's so many ways to masturbate" and "there's no wrong way." But I've become very unhappy with how I masturbate." When I hear you are unhappy with how you masturbate, it makes me curious as to how you are defining pleasure in your last response. What does pleasure mean to you? What part do emotions/feelings play in pleasure for you?