my fear of being intimate has led me to become a “pillow princess” need help

[coolbanana]

hi so i have a girlfriend (obviously). we were both very inexperienced when we met each other, but she moves faster than me and has already fingered me before & gave hickeys and basically just touches me in any way. anytime we get intimate it’s always her doing those things, the most i do is touch and kiss.

i want to do what she does to me but i think what stops me is the fear of messing up and making mistakes & feeling embarrassed. as for now she’s more experienced than me since she’s always doing it so now i just feel like i’ll embarrass myself, which is why i think im a “pillow princess” (unsure if that’s the correct term though sorry for my ignorance).

i don’t know how to get over this and i need help from any one please.

she never says she expects anything from me nor does she act a way but i do get scared she’ll wanna leave me because i don’t reciprocate. however i think that’s just me overthinking but i just have a fear i literally can’t. and it’s not trauma or anything

pls be kind and give advice <3

[amber]

Hi coolbanana and welcome to the boards!

'Pillow Princess' is a term which originates from lesbian communities but has recently taken a sort of new connotation as it left those community's spaces. By definition there is nothing bad or negative about someone who receives in a relationship where that sexual dynamic is discussed. It seems to me like that isn't a great way to describe yourself or your desires.

Receiving pleasure is also not an 'inactive' position. I wonder if thinking of ways to be more present when on the reviving end can make you more confident to act on those desires. Things like telling your partner what feels good or what would feel good in the moment is an example.

How do you talk about sex and intimacy within your relationship? Have you shared any of these worries with your girlfriend? I think communication is a great place for you to start. Trusting your partner and allowing yourself to be vulnerable is a major part of sex. I have some articles on how to communicate with a partner here. Would you be open to checking them out?

Be a Blabbermouth! The Whys, Whats and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner

Intimacy: The Whys, Hows, How-Nots, and So-Nots