Girl thinks she's pregnant, what am I supposed to do?

[Heather]

You know, it is okay for us to give a therapist constructive crticism or to tell them that we think something they are doing -- or sometimes even everything they are doing! -- isn't working for us. That's feedback good therapists will want, because it helps them figure out what *will* work for you. I'm sorry it doesn't sound like it's done a lot for you so far, but I hope that changes for you soon.

I hope you go to that birthday party. You know, I have some sense of what you're feeling like with friends and such treating you oddly. When I was about your same age, and already wasn't someone who fit in in the school I was in thanks to being punk and queer, I lost someone close to me very violently, a lot of people found out about it, and I felt like I was treated like an alien, too. It's very isolating, and I'm sorry. I can't speak for you or if you even feel up to this, but for me, finding some new friends who were people who were able to handle what I was dealing with a bit more went a long way.

The way her Dad is talking to you sounds pretty gross, but I'm also not surprised given what I know about him already from you. Extra machismo helps no one, and you and his daughter made a choice together: this wasn't just on you. He may or may not ever change how he feels about you, but I think that just being yourself, doing the best you can with this situation and standing up for yourself when you need to is the way to go generally, but also the most likely way to earn maybe at least some respect from him over time. But you don't have to engage with him like this, and you get to decide what kind of relationship you want with him, if any, and when and if you are in contact with him.

[rodi]

I'm sorry that happened to you, it sounds a lot difficult than i'm going through. As for my friends, i hope they at least go back to treating me how it was before, i don't need them to udnerstand what it all means, even i don't know.

And I did go to the party, two really there was a birthday party for my little brother's friend and it a bunch of small kids screaming all the time. The other party was almost normal, other than avoiding my ex people weren't treating me all that weird.

The feeling of incoming doom is still in my stomach, but i don't know what to do with it, maybe i will pass when the baby is born. you must have helped other people in my situation before, did it got better after hte baby was born?

[Heather]

I'm really glad you were able to have a normalizing experience at that party. <3

I would say that people who are very worried about parenting -- and everything that comes with it -- during a pregnancy tend to feel better after a birth, especially when you're not the person who was pregnant, because for you until then, almost everything is theoretical or hypothetical. Just being in the real of it, where there is an actual person you can meet and feel the desire to care for, and who you can see is just a tiny person, not an apacolypse, does seem to change things for a lot of people.

But I'd say that in my experience, things that can help even more are feeling as prepared as possible and feeling as supported as possible. Things like having conversations with people in your life ahead of time and finding out what kind of help they will or might be willing to give now and after the birth can go a long way. Really reading up about birth and child development -- reading things like parenting books -- tends to help people feel better and more prepared. I think in your case, a conversation or two with Marcela about how you two both might want to co-parent (including things like possible schedules, boundaries, how you two can split up practical things you need to do) with some clear decisions would probably go a very long way if that's possible.