Struggling to orgasm

[xTyl]

I've really been struggling to orgasm and it's been very frustrating especially since I can cum but I'm getting very little to no pleasure from it. Is there anything I can do to help this?

[Heather]

Welcome to the boards, xTyl.

Generally, when people aren't reaching orgasm or experiencing much pleasure, what they need to do to find out how to do those things is explore some more, rather than doing whatever it is that just produces ejaculation or that makes for an easy, but not very satisfying, orgasm.

By explore, I mean things like setting aside and taking more time -- if this has been something where it's minutes, try seeing what happens when you give yourself an hour -- exploring different parts of your body and different kinds of touch or sensation, exploring different things to fantasize about during masturbation and sex with any partners, etc.

It might help to think about this as being about feeling good, too, not about reaching orgasm. orgasm is great, but it's only a few seconds at a time, and if what you've been doing leading up to or around it hasn't been very pleasurable or satisfying, orgasm probably won't make it so all by itself.

[xTyl]

Thanks. I'm starting to try and experience pleasure on other areas of my body but I'm not really sure where to start since I'm so used to only touching my penis to feel pleasure.

[char]

Glad Heather's response was useful!

You might find this article Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation useful, since it's pretty straightforward, and this one: Take a Self-Love Road Trip: Let Curiosity Guide Your Masturbation, which focuses on how to masturbate mindfully and curiously.

We also have articles on anal sex and sex toys, if those are things you want to try:
- Anal Sex Lowdown
- Meet Your Prostate!
- D.I.Y Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition
- How to Play with Toys

If you could take some time checking these articles out, that'd be great! Let us know if you have any questions about them.

[xTyl]

I read them and the prostate one definitely sounds the most interesting for me to try.

[char]

Good to know! Is there anything you'd like to know more about it, especially since it is related to anal insertion?

[xTyl]

Is there any tips for it? I've never done it before.

[char]

Generally, you want to make sure that the anus is well-lubricated (the more lubricated, the better) and relaxed as it doesn't self-lubricate like the vagina does--lube is your best friend. It's important to take it slow when inserting things (such as clean, gloved fingers and a dildo wrapped in a condom) into your anus, since forced insertion can cause injury. If you're just starting out, it's best to err on the side of caution and stop the depth of entry before a point where you experience pain. Aside from anal insertion, the prostate can also be stimulated through massaging your testes or perineum (which is the region between your anus and your penis).

Some of these tips are included in the anal sex lowdown article I shared with you, and this one: End of the road for my anus?. For all things lube, I recommend checking out Quickies: Lube.

[xTyl]

Thanks. I think I'll do the massage first since I'm kinda nervous still about inserting.

[amber]

Hi xTyl!

Glad char and the articles were able to help. Let us know if there is anything else you'd like to chat about!

[xTyl]

Yeah, they've been able to help me a little bit. I'm just trying and learning to experiment more so I can feel pleasure again.