Am I a bad friend? A bad person?

[LopezMonty]

For context, this is a diary entry I wrote after having a frustrating day with a friend of mine. I am also transmasc and gay and my friend is transfemme and lesbian, which might have an impact on this whole thing.

Is it normal for aspects of
your friends’ personalities to constantly make you angry?
Are they even worth calling friends, then?
It’s not that I hate (name), but she gets on my nerves. She’s so fucking pretentious—I hate it.
I can’t help but feel like she thinks she’s better than me. She certainly acts like her interests and tastes are better than mine.
Her favorite shows are “art” and mine are “just okay” or even “bad quality”. My desire for escapism is “juvenile” or pointless, while she’s real and serious and oh so mature. Fuck off.
She, knowing that I liked Heated Rivalry, called it soft porn to my face!
She didn’t even bother to finish the damn show! News flash (name), I like Heated Rivalry because it’s a story about queer men who are able to be happy. Every fucking queer story is a tragedy, and I’m so fucking sick of it.
But, of course, her favorite queer media, I Saw the TV Glow, is a tragedy. Hers is automatically better because it’s “realistic” and “real”.
My greatest fear is that my life will amount to nothing but another queer tragedy.
My life already feels like a tragedy.
Part of it is her pretentiousness. Another is most likely related to her upbringing; private education in England, immediate access to gender affirming care when she needed it, money money money.
Part of it might be because she’s a lesbian.
Her attraction is somehow more “pure” than mine.
Bullshit.
She thinks she’s so much smarter and more mature than everyone else. But if she was, why’s her head stuck so far up her own ass? Huh? Pretentious, elitist bitch.
Who do you think you are?
So now im here pitying myself again. Because no one ever takes my interests as seriously as I do. No one cares about them as much as I do. No one understands them. No one understands me. Again, I am too much and not enough.
I’m just so angry. I’m just so sad.

I’m aware that calling someone a bitch sounds misogynistic. Maybe it is. From my viewpoint, I call bitchy people bitches. People who whine.
But that makes me the bitchiest of them all, huh?