I'm really sorry to hear your stepmother got so attached to her kid being a certain gender and is acting the way she is about it (and that this was an issue before, to the point it required a therapeutic intervention, no less). I'd hope for an adult who is about to be a parent to have a lot more maturity than it sounds like she has or is demonstrating. I'm sorry that this is something adding stress to your Dad's life and, of course, also to yours, especially right now.
I'm also sorry to hear about how challenging things still are with Marcela.
I do think that having sex with her and accepting her advances at all sends a very mixed message, and I think that it is better for you to hold that boundary than to let her wear you down, even though I get that and why that feels so fraught for you. But with someone like this, who will not stop pushing boundaries, we have to hold them so, so firmly, because any time we loosen them, we kind of wind up right back at the beginning, and it makes it easier and easier each time for them to push past our boundaries. I think that letting her cross boundaries and helping to confuse the situation with more sex is not going to make coparenting easier, quite the opposite. It's only going to make it harder and more complicated.
My best suggestion is to stop being alone with her, ever: do what you can to only spend time with her when other people are around, like maybe only inviting her over when your Dad or someone else is home. If you want to try something like writing her a letter about this, I'm also happy to help you if you'd like.
I'm glad you read the book and found some of the practical help helpful. I hear you about feeling like an alien, and also finding even helpful resources feel like they are written for someone else. So much of the world we live in just doesn't really see teen parents -- even though there are so many of you, and there used to be even more in previous generations -- or know how to adjust for them. It's very isolating, that's something you hear teen parents -- or people who were once teen parents -- say more than almost anything. You feel isolated because this is often an isolating experience, unfortunately.
I think you may be misunderstanding how depression works. Depression is a mood disorder, one that happens -- rather than being a thing someone "claims" -- due to situations (deaths, loss of a job or home, a breakup, or, as in your case, hard/unwanted consequences of a chosen action) that cause our neurochemical makeup to change, due to something about the way our neurochemicals just work regardless of what's going on situationally, or both.im not depressed i dont get to claim Im depressed because i put myself in a bad situation.
I am not your healthcare provider nor your psychiatrist, so I can't tell you for sure if you're depressed or not, period. But knowing a great deal about the symptoms of depression and what a depressed person acts and feels like, like I said before, it sounds very much to me like you are and have been depressed. Were you able to talk with your therapist about that at all yet?
I also want to remind you that no one should be surprised that a 15-year-old person is really stumbling and struggling with this situation. Heck, look at your father and stepmother: they're much older than you, and clearly they are struggling a great deal with a part of pregnancy that should be one of the easiest parts of the whole thing! I'm sorry that you feel like such a mess about this, but I want you to at least be able to start reminding yourself that what you are experiencing is really, really challenging, and you'd be hard-pressed to find anyone your age who wasn't struggling in this situation. <3