Gender euphoria

[Gravity]

Hi. I’m nonbinary (amab) and I’ve been recently struggling. I’ve noticed that even when dressing in a way I enjoy I don’t really feel any gender euphoria. All I can feel is dysphoria from when I notice my more masculine features (I.e. facial and body hair) I’m considering talking to my doctor about hrt, but I worry that I’m going to get dysphoria from having breasts. I’m known to over think, and I kinda just wanted to get this out there.

[Sofi]

Hi there, Gravity. I’m sorry you haven’t been feeling the gender euphoria you’re looking for and instead have been feeling dysphoria. You deserve to feel comfortable in your skin and in your gender expression.

Can you share more about how you feel when you wear the things you want to wear? Is there some joy or even comfort in it, or is all you really feel just the dysphoria about facial and body hair?

As a reminder, facial and body hair aren’t inherently masculine things, although I understand society makes it seem that way by expecting women to shave all their facial and body hair. But a lot of people who aren’t men have fully grown facial and/or body hair and it doesn’t automatically make them more ‘masculine’, and same applies for nonbinary folks. Do you feel like the hair is making you feel masculine, or is it just something you don’t like? Because if it’s the latter, that is okay to have as a preference for yourself. Have you tried hair removal? It can be a bit annoying to have to keep up with it, but could be a good way to test out how it feels instead of starting HRT just because of that.

I do see you’ve reached out to us in the past with doubts about HRT, so it doesn’t sound like it’s something you’re sure about just yet. It’s okay to take your time to figure it out and explore all your options. Gender and gender expression aren’t always simple and sometimes we just need to come up with a way to feel comfortable in it that works for us, even if it isn’t the traditional or most common way.

I know you said you tend to overthink, and perhaps that’s happening here, but these are also things that are okay to give some thought to. The goal is to feel as “yourself” as possible, and that can require some thought and discussions like these, so give yourself some grace for that too. <3

[Gravity]

When I’m wearing a sports bra I bought, I feel fine, and with skirts too, I just feel better. I’m not saying I don’t like wearing more “masculine” clothes, i just enjoy wearing that stuff.

I personally don’t want to have facial and body hair as I feel it makes me look unkept. Also it just makes me uncomfortable oftentimes. I have been trying many different hair removals and they all just seem to make hair grow back darker
Thanks for the help

[Anya]

Hey Gravity,

It's great to pay attention to what makes you feel good like the sports bra or skirts. I think it can be quite easy for lots of folks to get wrapped up in trying to avoid dysphoria at all costs, which makes sense, since dysphoria can be the worse feeling in the world, but sometimes it pays off to just try and takes things slowly and let yourself breathe. Taking it little by little, wearing things that maybe just make you feel only a little better or just okay sometimes is totally normal and okay. There is no rush (besides your internal and emotional state) to getting to a place where you love, or even just like how you look and feel. It's okay to take your time getting there.

Would you like any more support in trying to identify things that do make you feel good and figuring out how to implement them?