Home sick and sexual desire?

[Eli_314]

Hello -

As mentioned in previous message boards of mine, I am In a college sports club. We do a lot of traveling in this club and there was a specific trip last year that had me feeling really emotionally warn down and also unusually sexually provoked.

For some context, I am a city kid, always have been I grew up in Minnesota and I still live and go to college here. This trip we took last year was to a state park in Georgia, where there wasn’t anyone else there except my team. And I was surrounded only by nature and no city streets, buildings or any of that stuff.

Something about being in that environment had me feeling really sad and emotionally deprived. I wasn’t feeling like that all the time during the trip, but those feelings showed up consistently and it ended up being a really hard trip for me.

And the other thing that happened was that my libido was through the roof for the entirety of the trip, and on the ride back. Like, unusually high to the point where my own desire was alarming me.

I couldn’t get my mind off of sex and it was just out of control. It was like I had to masturbate in order to feel like I could move forward with the rest of my day. And it kept coming up through out the day. The whole car ride back I was just sitting in the back seat with an erection that wouldn’t go away and I was trying so hard to get my mind to focus on something else.

Then when I finally got home, I felt completely normal again. It felt completely controllable again. Like, I was and am still a very sexual person, but that trip was unusually extreme.

I was just wondering if maybe you’d have some sort of an explanation why I was feeling that way. Is this normal when being in a state of home sickness and sadness?

It’s just that, we’re doing that trip again this year and it’s a big part of our training and also an opportunity for more bonding and getting closer with teammates.

But I’ve been thinking of talking to my coach about not going because I don’t wanna feel that way again. Those feelings made it a really hard trip for me.

2 years ago, we had that trip in a city and we all stayed in hotels and I had a great time and non of that crazy stuff happened.

I know I use the boards a lot but I just feel really comfortable here talking about my sexuality and don’t with most folks I know in real life. I hope you don’t feel like I’m abusing the privileges of this website.

Anyway, I was just hoping you’d be able to offer me some advice on some good ways to move forward and also maybe some explanation on why I felt how I did. Thank you

[amber]

Hi Eli_314,

I am sorry that this trip was so hard for you emotionally. Was anything else going on during this time which may have made the experience more emotional or difficult? Was it a particularly long trip? I think many people would agree with you that something about nature can be pretty emotional (whichever way that leads), but I do not think you should have an entire trip of distress.

Are there things you could do/plan for to bring some normalcy into the trip? Maybe that is doing something on your phone or calling people form home. Traveling in general can just be hard so it is ok to give yourself some grace as you work through what would make you feel best moving forward.

As for your sexual desire, I do wonder if you and your body were just in a phase of higher desire. Have you ever felt anything like this in the past or since then? It could be that your emotions were a bit out of sorts or overwhelming which changed the way you typically navigate sexual desire.

I don't have the perfect answer for you here but I do think going on the trip sounds important to you. Does it sound helpful to think through the tips above and have a better plan going into this year's trip?

[Eli_314]

Yeah, I had a huge, HUGE crush on one of my teammates and I was spending a lot of time around her and that was stirring me up a lot. Because she was taken and I knew that and for a while it was really hard for me to handle (although things have pretty much settled for me at this point regarding her).

As for my desire, I’ve had phases where I’ve experienced more desire than usual, but nothing as alarming as how it felt on that trip. So I am quite confident that it was something more than just a normal phase.

And thank you so much for those tips, I really appreciate it, I didn’t even think about maybe being able to do things to make it feel not so hard.

Also, no worries about not having a perfect response, that would be a lot to expect of someone and I seriously loved your tips! If you have any more advice, I’m all ears but other than that, thank you so much!

[char]

Hi Eli_314! When you mentioned that your (former) crush was also in this trip, I think I could see how that might have affected your emotions and sexual desire more greatly than usual. Sometimes just being in the same place with the person we're attracted to/used to be attracted to can make us more excited or nervous. Especially if you interacted with them too.

I'm not sure what kind of sport you do--you don't need to reveal it to us if you don't want to!--but I assume this trip isn't mandatory; is that right? Would it negatively affect your performance and/or standing in the team if you didn't join the next trip? Also, how would you describe your relationship with your coach--do you think you'll be able to open up to them about your situation?