my bf wants sex but im worried

[consequencially]

so my bf wants sex but ive got sexual health shit i gotta resolve :/ sorta embarrassing. we're 16 and 17. i have not told him ab my issues but have said no sex yet. also, i cant seem to be completely turned on recently and its making me feel like shit and to be honest pretty resentful. he is the sweetest guy literally ever. anyways, when i am ready and we do, what can i expect? im so insecure about how my tummy and my vag look ... he's shown me his dick and we've touched eachothers yk, but I cant help but feel like if we try to do anything im going to feel very insecure and i fear it might be somewhat traumatic. obviously having a tummy is normal but i cant help but feel like the most abnormal person on the planet.

[Heather]

Hey there, consequencially.

So, when we have sex with a partner isn't supposed to be just about when they want it. When we're sexual with someone is supposed to be about when it's something we both want and both feel comfortable with. I'd add in there that it also should be only when we feel like we're in a relationship or interaction where we don't feel under any pressure to say yes to sex; where we feel totally comfortable saying no, not yet, or not this way (etc), and our partner helps create an environment for that kind of ease.

You're right: everyone has a tummy and other body parts, and most people's bodies will look like regular human bodies, not like things honed day in and day out by personal trainers and surgeons. But you clearly don't feel comfortable being naked with your partner yet, and you're entitled to whatever time you need to build that trust and comfort, both with yourself and any partners.

Do you feel able to give yourself that time? Is your partner making clear to you that while they want to do things with you, they are 100% cool with whatever time and space and trust you need to get there?

[consequencially]

my partner is the sweetest and is hell bent on the decision of sex being both of us wanting it, I am just fearful of my body. he keeps saying he wishes we could but also would only truly want to if the desire was mutual. I think I want to, I just hate myself too much.

[Heather]

A partner who won’t stop talking about sex when you have been clear you aren’t ready for it is a partner exerting pressure on you, whether they mean to or not. That person is actually showing you they would be a poor choice of sexual partner, no matter what, because safe partners don’t exert pressure.

Would you like some help communicating with him about the need for him to stop doing this so you have the space you need to work through all this for yourself until or unless you are in a good place to be sexual with him?

In terms of how you are feeling about yourself, to me, this sounds a whole lot ("I hate myself too much") like someone expressing a need for therapeutic help. Do you have a therapist? If not, is that something you can potentially access?