Im 16 and CANT orgasm. Please help.

[Gracie_sex]

Hi I am new here and don't know how to post anything, but I am a female, and I have been masturbating since I was about 13, I have never orgasmed before, and it is getting quiet frustrating. I have no Idea what is wrong or if I am doing anything wrong.

[Andy]

Hi there, Gracie and welcome to the boards!

I moved your post to a separate topic so it’s easier for us to keep track of it. Next time you want to ask a question, you can create your own thread by clicking the "New Topic" icon at the top of the page under the name of a forum. Let us know if you need any more assistance with that!

As for your question, maybe it will help to hear you are by far not the only person coming to us with this concern (a quick search of the boards will show you that). Therefore, we also have several resources, which you might find helpful. I’m going to share a few of them, feel free to go through them in your own pace and let us know if anything there needs clarification or creates more questions.

An advice column with a question very similar to yours: When the Big O is a No-Show
More info on pleasure, orgasms and how do both feel: Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide

[Gracie_sex]

Hi, Andy thanks so much for this I still am having troubles with finding the new topic sorry I'm new, but for this I have another question but I have tried like so much masturbation things and non of it works I have tried hands, shower head, pillow, and nothing seems to give me and orgasm and it is really becoming quite fustrating and on top if that like how do u not get caught by people when ur masturbating like what am I supposed to do

[Latha]

Hi Gracie! I'm responding because I'm on shift--I hope that is alright.

I understand how it would be so frustrating if you've been masturbating for a while without orgasming. Don't worry, we can have a conversation about what might be happening, here. All these things that you've tried--do they feel good, even when they don't give you an orgasm? Also, if I may ask, how does it feel in your body when you don't orgasm? What does the process look like when you are getting there?

As for your question about not getting caught, we can also help think of some ways to find privacy in your life. To begin, I'd like to get a sense of your circumstances: what makes you feel like you'll get caught right now?

[Gracie_sex]

hi latha I live in resi care and im just scared they might walk in or here me while I masturbate when I getting there i feel less tight and but than it just doesnt happen and i just never orgasm never cum and I have to start all over again

[Latha]

Ohhh, I see why you are scared--it can't be easy to relax when someone could walk in at any moment.

I'd like to focus on your question about finding privacy for a bit, since solving that could make it much easier for you to stay in a headspace that lends itself to feeling pleasure and orgasming. To that end, I would like to ask a few more questions, since I don't know much about resi care:

• Do you have a roommate where you live?

• Do the staff at this place come in at night? Why do they usually come in during the day?

[Gracie_sex]

hi latha, I have no roommate and they do not some in at night and they have to sight me during the day every 45 mins on a good day every 15 min on a bad day like I just want to be able to masturbate and feel pleasure and orgasm like I tried to do it last night but nothing works and it is so, so fusturating

[Sofi]

Hi Gracie, I want to go back a bit. I understand you only have privacy at night, but you're still unable to orgasm when you masturbate at night. For now, doing so during the day isn't a good idea, since the staff could come in at any moment, so you'll have to stick to nighttime.

The thing about orgasms is the more we are pressuring ourselves to get there, the less likely we will. That's because our primary sex organ is our brain - when we feel stress, anxiety, etc, it's less likely we can orgasm. That said, I want to ask two things: why do you want to orgams so badly? And, are you enjoying masturbating? Pleasure is the most important thing, not orgasm. If you've found a way that feels good, maybe try taking orgasm off the table as your goal, just do it for fun and pleasure. Do whatever feels best for you and just enjoy that. The more you can relax without an end goal in mind and without adding any pressure to it, the more likely it will happen. Does that make sense?

[Gracie_sex]

hey Sofi, yes that makes sense I guess I want to cause all my other friends have and are teasing me about it and I enjoy masturbating but just my hands aren't feeling as pleasurable as before and I want to feel that I guess and I don't know what else I can use to masturbate with and when I masturbate I can't seem to do it longer than 5 mins and I want it to last longer like 30 mins so I can actually get to that point

[lilikoi]

Hi Gracie_sex,

It is easy to feel left out when other people talk about their experiences, especially if they are teasing you about it! Your experience is extremely common and, like Sofi said, sex and masturbation are not just about climax. That part is so limited compared to the rest of the experience! If you want what you're feeling to last longer, you could explore other parts of your body. If you pay attention, touch everywhere is stimulating and you might find other parts of your body that are particularly sensitive. Is that something you have tried before? Is there a friend you feel comfortable confiding in one on one to tell that the teasing is getting to your head?

[Heather]

I want to also add that, unfortunately, not everyone we know is going to be an emotionally safe person to talk to about sex. In an ideal world, all of our friends would have the emotional and sexual maturity and empathy to handle that, but that's usually just not the case, especially when people are still so young.

So, I'd suggest no longer sharing details about your masturbation with any friends that have been teasing you or who have otherwise shown you they don't have the maturity and empathy to be good people to talk with about your sexual life. If and when those kinds of people ask for details, you can either be direct and honest and tell them that you don't want to share anymore because they haven't handled it well when you have, or, if you don't want or feel able to be that candid, you can just tell them that that's something you want to keep private and leave it at that.

[Gracie_sex]

thanks so much Heather I have got a question what some other techniques to help me get more pleasure in masturbating cause I have been using my hands, but that is starting to feel less pleasurable which doesn't help with me being unable to orgasm so do you have any other techniques

[Becky]

Hi Gracie!

Check out these articles and let us know what you think:

How Do You Masturbate?
Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation
DIY Sex Toys: Self-Love Editon