gnc lesbian woman but I want to pack and sometimes wish I had a penis ( and etcetera )

[tielaws]

Im a gnc lesbian, im a “woman/girl” but prefer to use they/them pronouns and dress mostly androgynously, every so often dressing a little more feminine. I’ve felt weird about my gender for a long time, sometimes i really want to appear and look more masculine, body wise too, and other times i want to look more feminine. this means, genitalia and chest too, but does this have to mean anything? and if it does, what does it mean? Sometimes I wish i had top surgery, others i absolutely love my boobs and don’t want to part with them (albeit, they’re small enough to appear flat with clothes) and i sometimes really wish i had a penis. but, i don’t like being called a male, boy terms, handsome, or referred to with he/him pronouns. I’ve looked into packing, and i’m a big fan of this. But, does this mean i’m under the trans umbrella? am i genderfluid?? i like calling myself a girl sometimes, but sometimes i just feel like.. a gnc lesbian. As a gender somewhat… Help! it’s so confusing

[char]

Hi again! As I mentioned in my reply to your other post, I think this is something that in the end can only be decided by yourself. You can wish to have a more masculine build and gender-affirming surgeries and not label yourself as transmasculine or genderfluid, or the exact opposite. Obviously labels can be a good reference for figuring out how we feel, but ultimately labels are just that; they won't be able to fully represent our complex experience as human beings. Not to mention that two people's interpretation of the same label can mean completely different from one another.

Rather than focusing on which label fits you the best for now, what do you think of consciously laying out what you've had in mind about your gender identity and presentation and reflecting on your thoughts? For reference, there's this article by Clove Kelly Hernandez appropriately called Gender Journaling, which can give you an idea how this journey may unfold. Another good place to start is this piece, which focuses on what to do when you're unsure of your gender identity: Gender Confusion: Being Unsure Doesn't Have to Be a Bummer. The process doesn't have to be documented in a well-decorated notebook worthy of social media likes, but it'll be nice to have a spot where you can write things down, digitally or not. Do you think this is something you can pursue?

[darkingbog]

hi tielaws,

i just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in this feeling! i've spent the last few years feeling "cisish," while wondering if i could be something more. in my opinion, your feelings don't "have to mean anything," and feeling like your gender is gnc lesbian sounds like a perfectly OK way to be. does that make sense? i've also thought about packing lately, and i'm not trans or dysphoric. if it sounds fun, affirming, or just like something you want to try, why not go for it?

good luck!

-darkingbog