The reason we put "I" in quotes is because we have some kind of personality disorder, basically meaning there are multiple of us. Its a bit prominent in this discussion, or...question, or something, but not as much as some of the other things we'll talk about.
First things first, since I was around 7, I (the origin, core, whatever; basically the one that was here first, or the "main" guy.) began hitting puberty. It was a slow start, It was just me getting a bunch of body hair (Not entirely abnormal for half-Angolan heritage, because we are mixed race.) and a libido. As such, I sniffed out quite a bit of sexual content, at a young developmental age, heightened by sensitivity stemming from some horrific bullying I endured, and then being exposed to even more mature content from 8-10 when i entered public school.
Around 9 was the first time I masturbated, and it unfortunately began an addiction to porn. Short lived, but still having an effect on my psyche. My mother is in the work of Obstetrics and Gynecology, so I know everything about the female body and the female reproductive system, and the bodily systems in general.
Anyways, basically, my sexual drive has been high since day 1. The main issue with this is also that I'm extremely adventurous, which would be fine if i wasn't 14 with extremely high standards due to my porn addiction and knowledge in the world of toys, and also my partner over 3000 kilometres away. There are two extra issues to this as well.
1. I would like some toys, but it would embarrass me to buy them outright, in front of a cashier, and I worry that I'm underprepared when toys are made for adults, who often have their own bank account, a job, or an income. I have none of these things (yet) but that is due to change in the summer.
The issue is, we cant wait until the summer... it would put our stress levels high and we want to be a cop, so it'd be counterproductive to steal. If we could steal, or had any want or intention to steal (which we don't, we've never really done anything like that) our problem would be solved, hypothetically, but many more problems would stem from it. Problems that i don't want to deal with. Bottom line is, we need a vibrator, and while we have 70 bucks in cash, some really brave alters, and a close relationship with our mom, we don't think we'd be brave or desperate enough to ask anyone for sex toys...yet. So, we're kinda unsure how to get our hands on that very wanted sex toy.
2. We worry, that when masturbating, some of the alters may become uncomfortable. Oftentimes, whoever's in front during the little times we spend touching ourselves may just be drowning everyone out, since everything goes a little blurry, as it seems to for most people, but we don't really know how everyone feels, because sometimes we follow someones (usually the origins) lead and end up drowning someone else out. We know someone feels uncomfortable with it, and we think we know who, but he wont say anything about it outright, which leaves us with a lack of clarity.
We don't need help on that bit, that's for our therapist, however, we do often feel uncomfortable in this body, especially with many of our alters being older than the bodies age. We need help mainly feeling more comfortable in the body and how others see us, i guess.
Anyways, theres my ramble. I'm kinda nervous to post this, but oh well...you only live once.
