am I in love with my friend???

[caseyyyyyyyy]

I am genuinely sooo lost and it’s been like this for a while now
I’m 17 and I’m pretty attached to one of my close friends who is the sweetest and kindest person to ever exist. They are there for me when I need them and I love spending time with them even if we’re doing nothing.

I’m just really confused because I know that I really love them but I’m confused as to what I want out of our relationship. Right now I hug them a lot and I rest my head on their shoulder sometimes and we kind of cuddle (it’s more like just hugging.. but sitting down!) when we’re alone. And they let me hold their hand and I really like holding their hand. The thing is, I’ve never felt anything close to a desire to be physical with any of my other friends, and I just feel that my love for them has become something.. different? But I don’t really know..

I’m just so scared that things will change and I can’t imagine them liking me romantically. What if I just want to be loved by them? What even is romance/platonic love? I don’t get itttttt

[Sofi]

Hi there, welcome to the boards!

It sounds like your relationship is a bit complicated as far as feelings goes, and I can see how you might be getting some mixed signals. I wish there was a way for me to be able to know how they feel about you, but the only way to find that out is by asking them. First, though, it's good for you to work out YOUR feelings about them, so let's try to do that. <3

Platonic love and romantic love often feel the same, or at least very similar. You can care about someone, like spending time with them, love and value them as a person, and even enjoy physical affection like hugs and cuddles with them, without it being a romantic relationship. In the queer world, we have a term 'queerplatonic relationships' (actually originally coined by one of our staff members s.e. smith!) that describes this dynamic between queer friends who share a lot of the same parts of life that romantic partners often share, but in a platonic way. These are relationships that are just as real and valid as romantic ones, and it's not an uncommon dynamic.

I think you will find this article helpful: Friends or Lovers? The Complexities of Queer Love

Hopefully all this has helped answer the question of romantic vs platonic love. When I hear you say "what if I just want to be loved by them?" I'm hearing what sounds like this could go either way as far as whether your feelings are romantic or platonic. You don't have to figure it out right now, that's something you can also explore as the relationship progresses. Perhaps a conversation with them about it would be helpful, though. Would you be open to that? How do you think they would react if you asked to talk about your feelings for each other?