Feeling angry about my sisters depression.

[hersecret13]

I have been suffering with depression for my whole life, and so has my sister. But for some reason she gets to let it affect everyone around her, act like a total bitch, ice everyone out and treat everyone like shit..
I understand better than most the affects of depression. but I dont understand why I wasnt allowed to be that way, and she does. She gets to treat everyone like shit- say reckless stuff about herself all the time. Deny ANY help.. It feels irritating as someone who also struggles with depression. I want to die too - but I dont make it everyones problem.
I try hard to maintain a relationship with her, I try conversation, small talk, asking if shes oka - but all she does is either ignore me.. ice me out.. etc.
Why is she like this?? why does she get to be this way - but if anyone else is like this she makes it their problem.
I just want her to be a good sister to me, all she does is treat me like im a burden to her, like just because were in the same home, she must tolerate me. It hurts because she told me id never be the sister I wanted.
But shes perfectly capable of being that person to her friends.
Depression isnt an excuse to be a fucking asshole.

[Anya]

Hi hersecret13,

I'm so sorry it seems like both you and your sister are struggling so much. Mental health issues can be very difficult to deal with as the one experiencing them, but to be in a position where you find yourself trying to self-regulate WHILE also helping someone regulate/cope/maintain healthy relationships, it can be quite exhausting to say the least. Whether you're trying to support your sister in her current struggle, or even just trying to have your own relationship with her, it's completely understandable to feel stuck or frustrated when both your experiences of mental illness have obviously been very different.

Have you tried talking to your sister about this?

It can sometimes be tough to really communicate about these kind of feelings with someone in a precarious emotional circumstance, but I suggest at least reminding her that you want a loving, sisterly relationship and to talk or spend time with her, but are hurting because of the treatment you've recently received from her. It can be helpful to reiterate that you know, intimately, that mental health issues are not her fault, but that she does have control over her actions and you'd like to be treated with respect and care. Does that sound like a possibility?