I keep trying to get into harmful relationships to work through old ones?

[scarletsymphony]

I didnt really have anyone to talk to about this, it's moreso platonic relationships but even romance sometimes even though i know im averse to it??

I've been in about three bad relationships before, mostly friendships but theyre hard to describe? It ranged from guy ten years older than me using me as a venting stress toy before cutting me off from my friends and pulling a yanderedev ''you manipulated me!'' ''im literally eleven.'' (well i was at the time), person that was an absolute creep and thought discomfort was a big green thumbs up and similar to the last guy tried pulling an us vs them, and then another guy who was a mix of the two and lasted 2 days because i finally grew a frontal lobe

But the issue is now that i HAVE grown one i just. keep having this urge to dive head first into situations or talk to people i know are gonna be a repeat of this because i just dont know how to work all of this out other wise, i dont even know what to class all of the above as, i dont feel comfortable talking to friends about it because to be honest i still just remember how easily they cut me off when a 17 year old pulled a ''this eleven year old manipulated me!'' and never acknowledged it? they did it just doesnt feel right.

I havent actually gotten any farther than thinking about diving head first yet but it just keeps coming back into my head and im scared if it hits me when im feeling low im gonna get dragged into a forth weirdo and it probably wont even help me work anything out it feels more like i just wanna throw bricks at myself than actually patch anything over

sorry i dont know if any of this even fits the forum or makes sense i just started rambling

[KierC]

Hey scarletsymphony, welcome to the boards. I’m glad you’re here <3

First, I am so sorry to hear you’ve had such a share of awful relationship dynamics in your life so far. If I’m understanding the timing correctly, it sounds like legal adults were engaging with you while you’re a minor, which is illegal and predatory for them to do. I am really sorry they did this and isolated you from friends. Isolating someone from their friends and family is a clear sign of abuse in a relationship. Nobody deserves to be treated that way, and I’m really sorry to hear you were treated that way.

Can I ask, was this happening online or in person? Are you still in contact with any of them? (If you are, I highly suggest cutting off contact with them and doing what you can do get away from them).

It sounds like you haven’t had anyone you’ve felt comfortable talking to about this. Do you have trusted people you feel like you may be able to tell if you felt comfortable? Do you have trusted adults, family members, or friends you could tell?

[scarletsymphony]

Can I ask, was this happening online or in person? Are you still in contact with any of them? (If you are, I highly suggest cutting off contact with them and doing what you can do get away from them).

It was happening online, and i cut them all off, the first guy did try talking to me again a few months back but i blocked him.

I don't have any trusted adults i can tell, my parents response would probably just be throw the phone in the bin over all of it, and the only friends i'd feel comfortable telling are almost all from the group i originally got cut off from who eventually brought me back after that guy left, they are nice its just with them being a part of it i just dont feel comfy telling them and to be honest im still kind of mad over them listening to him and cutting me off

i know they were also around my age and i get me being mad is kind of dumb but still

[Becky]

Hey scarletsymphony!

I think the good news here is that you seem to recognize when you're entertaining a relationship with someone who might have some similarly shitty tendencies.

You mentioned that this first guy was someone you were talking to online. Are your other friends online too? The ones who were apart of the friend group you got cut off from? Do you have friends you see and talk to in person or at school?

[scarletsymphony]

You mentioned that this first guy was someone you were talking to online. Are your other friends online too? The ones who were apart of the friend group you got cut off from? Do you have friends you see and talk to in person or at school?

My other friends are online yeah, I'm homeschooled, i do have some friends in person from a musical theatre group i go to, but none of them are really close enough to open up to about this sort of thing, they're good friends but ive never really been able to get like, bring up serious topics kind of close because with all of them going to public schools I keep falling into a ''friend i see on weekends'' sort of area where they know me but like, as ''oh yeah the person to talk to at the group'' if that makes any sense, like secondary??

[Becky]

Oh nice! I love musical theater! I was a theater kid in high school too

That's understandable that you feel a little disconnected from them since you only see them on weekends. Do any of them chat online as well like your other friends do? Maybe there's a way to open up some communication that continues into the week. Do you think any of them would be open to hanging out after school sometimes?

I just ask because you mentioned that you're not super comfortable with your online friend group anymore (which is totally understandable) and you're not feeling great there after everything that happened. Do you think it might be worth trying to build up these theater friendships a bit more? I think you deserve a community where you feel close to people and have people who would be on your side when an older guy (or anyone!) mistreats you like that.

In the meantime, does your school offer any counseling? As Kier said, finding someone who you could talk about what happened with can be really helpful.