I don’t have a crush on this new friend, and that makes me nervous

[Asking Queries]

Hi everyone,

I feel like this is a very me-coded problem:
I’ve made a new friend. They’re cool and dress well and they’re funny and smart and kind and respectful and I want to be friends with them for a long time and get to know them better. Every time I’ve met someone like that before, who I’ve felt feelings like that about, I’ve gotten a romantic crush on them, sometimes immediately, sometimes years later. I don’t have a crush on them (and don’t think I will get one), and that makes me nervous.

I think it makes me nervous because, up until now, the group of “people who I like as best friends and who I can trust” and “people I want or will want to kiss” have been the same. That is to say, if someone was the kind of person who would be a best friend, they were also the kind of person I would get a crush on. But now I’ve met this new person, who is a best friend, but who I haven’t gotten a crush on. I both get nervous because this is a new situation (yes, really, I have never had a best friend I didn’t get a crush on, lol), and because I’m worried that I’m subconsciously trying to tell myself I can’t trust him, even though I consciously feel I can.

If anyone has some ideas on how to think through this feelings, that would be very helpful. I really like them and I’m worried I’m gonna get distracted from the goodness of the friendship by this.

AQ

PS: For clarity, every time I refer to a ‘crush’ in this post, I mean a romantic crush.