Can I be a boy and a girl? Can someone be transmasc and a girl?

[coffeebeans]

Idk if I sound ignorant. But like what if someone wanted to transition to be a boy but also sees themselves as a girl . What if I wanted to be fluid? Idk can you be both?

[amber]

Hi coffeebeans!

You don't sound ignorant and I can assure you people have felt similarly before.

I see you've chatted with us before about the desire to find labels that fit for you, so I don't think it's a surprise that what I will say first is that labels are meant to fit us, not us into labels. Fitting yourself into a box sounds like the exact opposite of what would be helpful for you at this time.

Instead, I think it could be helpful to breakdown what you mean by 'transition' or seeing yourself as a girl. What does this look like in your expression, the way you dress? How about how people refer to you?

Does that make sense?

[coffeebeans]

Idk I like being a girl but I won't mind if I was a boy . If I could change the way people see me I would be a boy. Or maybe look fluid. I do realize it's not good to put myself in a box. It's not nice yet it kinda frustrating that gender feels binary when it isn't. I which I could switch between bodies whenever I want. I also know I'm not going to be perceived well if I was a guy. I'm black if I was a muscular guy people wouldn't view me as soft at least I don't think so. Idk how to explain it I wish I had the words it's probably something I internalized. I don't know what it called but like it feels like people view masculinity on black people very different from someone with lighter skin or white. If I was like a dude that like to be feminine would I be seen as gay? Not that there's anything wrong with being gay I don't mind but I feel like it wouldn't be seen as cute . Idk what I'm saying but I guess I'll have to figure out what masculinity means to me.

But I would also like to be referred to as a girl. I guess I'm use to it . It feels nice but wrong to just be a girl . I wish I was fluid or both or neither at the same time. But I guess I have to just be okay with just being for now.

[char]

Hi coffeebeans,

You're right, there's nothing wrong with just Being at the moment while taking your time to understand what femininity, masculinity, androgyny, and more mean to you. No one but you can decide how you'd like to view your own gender, including the words you use to describe it.

I think I get what you mean about how one's gender identity and presentation is perceived when they are Black. As far as my knowledge goes (so feel free to point out any misunderstandings, as I am not Black myself), a huge part of racism--specifically anti-Blackness--stem from the inaccurate that Black people are inherently physically stronger than white people and, thus, a threat. This incorrect and harmful belief is also why Black people, especially Black trans women, become a common target of racism and hate. Could that be what you mean when you talk about the way people view masculinity in Black people?

It's not nice yet it kinda frustrating that gender feels binary when it isn't.

I hear you! Unfortunately, due to colonialism, a lot of societies began adopting binarist gender identities, when that wasn't the case back then. For example, there's a community in one of the provinces of my country that recognizes at least five gender identities. Do you think learning about these non-Western frameworks of gender can help you feel better?