I don't understand why people with vaginas are still choosing to engage in intercourse

[tolkienfan]

With the overwhelming amount of misogyny present in women's lives, I don't understand why many still choose to have sex with men.
Considering the statistics on men's disinterest in women's pleasure ("female orgasm doesn't have good ROI") and the fact that nearly a third of gen z men do not believe that a woman should initiate sex, it's confusing to me as to why more women don't just stay single and choose to buy sex toys/invest in platonic friendships.
In my case, I'm physically not capable of orgasm, so I can't expect my partner to pleasure my anyways. However, I hear all the time from women in my life that they struggle to find male partners who please them.
I'm not sure why I should still hope for an enjoyable sexual relationship

[amber]

Hi tolkienfan,

There is a lot of diversity in how straight women with awareness of the disparities and challenges you bring up live their sexual and romantic lives. For starters, I will say that this perspective centers heterosexual women. We know that lots of women, who are not attracted to men, do not have sex or romantic relationships with men (and they still can and do have intercourse!). On the note of sexuality, heterosexual women can not 'choose' to not be exclusively sexual and romantically attaracted to men - which mean if they have sexual and or romantic desires those relationships will be with men. With that in mind, many women do practice celibacy of some sort (or actively not having sex/relationships with men). Other women explore their desire with intention by only engaging with men that hold sex positive beliefs and values. I promise you not all straight women are in horrible relationships with bad sex, but that does not mean that your personal path may look something like the first group of women I mentioned.

I do want to say something to your point on orgasm and pleasure. Orgasm is not the singular measurement of good or pleasurable sex. It is also something that I don't think you should simply count yourself out of. I know we've touched on this here before, but are you interested in discussing this further?

In our patriarchal society, women and other gender minorities will have unique strategies and feelings as they navigate the misogynistic social world. That may look different for you than it does with anyone else. Does that answer your question?

[tolkienfan]

Hi. I realized I posted this in the wrong area, as I only want staff to interact.
I am bisexual, but my only sexual experience was with a cishet man and it was very negative. I wouldn't know what to do in a same-sex relationship and considering the fact I'm not in a place in my life where I can connect with people in that way, I don't think I'd have the confidence to approach that. By the time I'm not in school full-time while working, I will be well into my mid-twenties and the idea that that's my only experience with sexuality is scary.
I have tried to experiment with pleasuring myself since I was a teenager, but I have very little sensitivity and it takes me a very long time to even feel aroused. All self-pleasure does is make me feel more frustrated because I can never resolve my arousal. I know some women can orgasm, and even experience that multiple times, but there is no resolution for me. I've just had to accept it.

[amber]

I do get that exploring a sexual and or romantic relationship can feel like a lot of work or even daunting. Part of all of our lives is deciding what values we hold and where to focus our time. If school/professional success is at the top of your list that is ok! I will say that, because you have come here with these worries, I think relationships may be something valuable to you that you are wanting.

I am sorry that your only sexual experiences have been negative. I think that that makes sense as to why you are feeling this overwhelmingly negative about it all. I do wonder if you'd want to work through some of that shame and negativity around sex. Even if you had the time to mingle and date now, that would not mean you are magically feeling sexual fulfilled - does all of that make sense? Does that sound like something you'd want to talk about?

[tolkienfan]

I do understand that no partner could just make me feel fulfilled in this way. But I'm also very aware that I experience sexual dysfunction and have done my entire life. If it was in my budget to buy a vibrator, I would, just to see if new sensation made a difference.
I would like to date casually, I truly just don't have the time. I also live with housemates, and if I was interested in a sexual partner, my mother would have to approve of my behaviour first

[Sofi]

I hear you. May I ask why you say your mother would have to approve of you having a sexual partner? That's not really something anyone's parents should be approving of or not, since it's quite personal and private, and especially not once you're an adult and living on your own. Do your parents say that you can't have relationships without their permission?